The morning started out fine. Actually, it started nice and slow. Woke at 8, made eggs and coffee. Ate them with Lucas while he had his two bowls of cereal. Did the dishes and pondered what to do today: It’s Mommy Lucas Day.

Then we played Hide & Seek for the first time ever! It was great. It went something like this:
“Mommy, you hide and I’ll count.”
I hide in the bedroom closet
“7, 8, 9. Ready or not, here I come!”
looking, looking, looking
“Mommy, where are you? Mommy, are you in the bedroom?”
“Yes”
“Oh! There you are!” giggle, giggle
My turn to count
“1, 2, … Ready or not, here I come!”
Giggle, giggle, giggle
“I’m here! I’m here!”
“Where is Lucas? Is he in the kitchen?”
Jumping out of hiding
“I’m here! I’m here!”

Later on though, he peed on his books and puzzles, refused to clean up Candy Land, which was scattered all over hell and gone, then hit me and bit me. Time out immediately ensued. ¡Ay, carumba!

After we made up and had our shower, Lucas peered into my ear with great concentration. I asked him what he saw in there.

“A Bird.”
“Really? A bird?”
“Yes”
I shook my head a little.
“It flew out.”
“What was it doing in my ear?”
“Looking for worms.”

So, there are so many things in my head that I want to write about! At least three or four things come up each day. Alas, I don’t have the time to write whenever I want to.

Today I’m wishing I could curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee and my latest novel. Or maybe drive to the library and pretend to be a woman of leisure with nothing to do but comb the stacks of books looking for the perfect diversion. Sometimes I think I missed my true calling: now at 33, I’m kinda wishing I’d checked out UC Berkeley’s Library Sciences program when I was there.

I have exactly 2 more hours to work until I have to pick up Lucas from preschool.

Speaking of preschool (this is something I’ve been meaning to write about)…. Lucas LOVES it. In fact, he hasn’t complained once about his new school. Not once! He rises bright and early and asks me every day, “What day is it today?” meaning, what am I doing today, Mom; who will I be with? When I tell him it’s a preschool day, his face lights up. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me feel. When I pick L up from school, I have to drag him away from school at the end of each day. He’s always covered in dirt and mud and sand from head to foot, tired and extremely joyful, except when I tell him it’s time to go home.

Miss Jennifer says that Lucas has fit in beautifully with the other children, and that it just seems as if he has always been with them from the start of the school year. She says that he plays beautifully with both the younger and older children. So, yay! And there are enough children in the program, so I don’t think she’s gonna close (knock on wood).

Yesterday I went online to find rain pants–rubber/plastic pants for him to wear outside in the wet weather. The garden is not off-limits just because it’s damp and rainy outside. In fact, the sand makes such great castles when it’s wet. The kids will be outside all day until end of November, I think, when it really gets cold.

Ian and I have been wondering lately if it’s just a developmental milestone or whether this is directly because of the Waldorf environment that Lucas has been in lately. It seems his interest in representational toys has waned tremendously. By “representational” I mean toys that represent real things (dolls that look human, tools that look like real tools). Lucas now spends most of his time playing with natural or everyday things and turning them into whatever he wants with his imagination. Sticks become magic wands, hats become crowns, etc. It’s really fun to watch. So, is it because he’s usually in environments that don’t have representational toys, or is it because his brain’s language center is now sufficiently built up that his imagination has taken over and is more powerful and fun than any single toy with one use can possibly be?

It’s so hard to believe, it’s actually eerie. I am having a quiet day today. Just bundling a book off to the printer, wrapping up some loose ends for another, invoicing. I decided to clean my desk–that’s always a mistake because it always gets way, way worse before it gets better. I’m waiting for another client to inundate me with more work. But I cannot make him write any faster and thus fit more conveniently into this little window that has suddenly appeared. So, I’m filling in time by paying bills, shuffling papers, filing sh-t away, waiting for instructions. Weird. So odd (and good) to breathe again.

I have a friend who’s looking to buy a home in the Sacramento area. If you have had an awesome experience with a real estate agent, I’d like to hear details. Please contact me by email or phone. Thanks!

Just a note to those of you who are dying to know more about the exciting adventures of a mom in suburbia, the angel-imp she birthed, and the patient man who holds us all together: I posted a bunch of backdated entries tonight (Feb-May).

A few weeks ago, my boys and I went up to S. Lake Tahoe to the “cabin” with some friends—foseelovechild and grlfury. It was Ian’s birthday and I had a tiny window of time to play. Before we left for Tahoe, my family reported that a bear had recently visited the cabin and was persistent enough to break a window and get in. It seems to have been attracted by the ice cream in the freezer. It ate a bunch of food and left a stain on the carpet, but otherwise did no harm apart from the busted window.

Our mini-vacation was awesome—so relaxing. We were all thrilled to be with our lovely friends. (We don’t see them often enough.) Lucas had an audience who hadn’t yet seen ALL of his tricks. We played games, ate good food, relaxed and watched shows, walked through the woods collecting pine cones and heart-shaped yellow leaves, and climbed some giant rocks. (The megara is still there, in case you were wondering.) The aspens(?) were turning to lovely pale yellows.

We also tromped on Saturday all the way down to Vikingsholm from the highway above Emerald Bay. It was a beautiful day for a mile-long walk, and Lucas did pretty good on the way down the hill. (Daddy manfully carried him back up the hill on his shoulders. Together they cleverly turned rocks into trees and trees into rocks along the way with a magic wand that someone had carelessly left in the road!) While we were at the bottom, near the bay, we explored the outside of the house and peeked into the windows; it had closed for the season the previous day. Lucas played in the sand at the water’s edge. Foseelovechild almost got a drink from some partying lake-cruisers.

So, we figured that the bear’s recent visit to the cabin would be the most exciting thing to happen there for a while. But on Saturday evening, a big wind storm blew up. While we were preparing dinner and setting the table we heard a huge thud. Those of us who couldn’t immediately see Lucas feared the worst ( —a fall from the second floor balcony). Fortunately for us all, it was just a falling tree. Fortunately for me, I could see Lucas on the second step of the stairway, and didn’t experience the momentary panic of “where’s the baby?!” So, yeah. A tree fell and sheered off the deck railing outside the cabin, narrowly missing the house. Some damage, not much. It was an exciting noise though, and an exciting wind storm.

So, even though this wonderful weekend is past, I think about the walks with friends, the sun and the wind, the magnificent view, Ian opening birthday presents, and the smile on my son’s face as he scrabbled and clambered over the granite boulders. I’m glad I have pictures. And I’m grateful for the escape.

Tahoe with friends
Lucas’s new school
pumpkin patch with train and chums
I’ve learned a lot about parrots recently
how I watched a four-figure project fee vanish today
“She has no arm!”

Too tired to try tonight.

My fingers are crossed. We have chosen a new preschool for Lucas and he’s scheduled to start on Tuesday of this week. This one’s called Hidden Treasure and it’s the one farthest from our house, in Carmichael. Miss Jennifer will be his teacher. It’s another in-home program and Lucas will be her eighth child.

I must admit, I’m torn between raving about how cool this new school and teacher seem, and being cynical. Once bit, twice shy. Twice bit, three times bitter and untrusting.

OK, for all our sake’s, I’ll look on the bright side and rave a bit.

Jennifer has a huge, beautiful yard in Carmichael. She has three children, two of whom go to the Waldorf school. The youngest is home with her preschool group. The children and Miss Jennifer all spend the majority of their time outside in the yard. They garden, dig in the sand, and walk on a balance beam made out of a springy 2×12. She has a walk-in rabbit hutch with eight bunnies, some of which are really friendly and let the children play with and pet them. The kids have a small water fountain to splash in.

The inside of Jennifer’s home is lovely too, although there’s far more space outside than inside. She has beautiful, hand-made toys. She and the children have baking day, soup day, art day, and gardening day. They go on long walks to Ancil Hoffman park, which is just down the street.

When we visited, Lucas managed to play with just about everything. He spent his time exploring all that the place had to offer, especially the rope swing outside and the balance beam.

Today at 3:30, Jennifer is going to come over so we can do the paperwork and so she can be with Lucas in his own home. I think the theory is that it will put him at ease to get to know her a little better in his own home territory. For some reason I cannot explain, I’m really nervous about my house and whether we will measure up as a proper Waldorfian family. (I’d better go clean something.)

At lunch time today, we told Lucas he will be going to Miss Jennifer’s school. He didn’t say much, but neither did he scream and cry. We told him that the change has to happen because of grown-up reasons and that it’s not his fault and he’s not being punished. He’ll make lots of new friends and get to play with the bunnies and walk (and jump off) the balance beam.

Like I said, I’m holding my breath and crossing my fingers.

This happened a few days ago. It was evening and we offered Lucas a choice between taking a bath or having a shower with mama. He chose the shower. We were stripping down and I gave him one of those delicious, naked skin hugs and covered his face with kisses. He laughed and I called him my baby son. I set him down to stand on the bathroom floor facing me. Lucas smiled and put his arms straight out to his sides with his fingers spread. He smiled and rocked straight-legged from one foot to the other.

“I’m a baby sun shining in the sky!” he said, and my heart melted.

“You’re the mommy sun,” he said. I called for Ian so he could hear and see how cute Lucas was.

“Is daddy the daddy sun?” I asked.

“No, daddy is the little dark rain cloud. I’m going to chase him away.”

It’s probably pretentious to quote myself, but of all the things I said aloud today, this is my favorite:

Don’t put your penis inside the pretzel.