“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
I recently landed my second job editing fiction. It’s a book of “flash” fiction (very short stories) written by an interesting man with a disability. I hope, hope, hope it goes well! Determining the level of editing is really tricky on this stuff. Rules about grammar and punctuation are laughably bendable. Personal writing style is paramount. Egos are involved to a far greater degree than in a nonfiction book. I am delighted to find that the stories written by this author are pretty damned good, which makes me feel better about taking money from a guy with a disability who wrote some stuff and wants to be published.
Working for individuals has not been my preferred means of earning a living thus far. There’s a lot more risk involved, a lot more client hand-holding and education, contracts to draw up, expectations to make crystal clear, etc. And then there’s the possibility of getting stiffed and not collecting my fee. Fortunately, I can now accept payment via PayPal—as long as I manage to build in PayPal’s fee into my own.
The editing network I joined recently looks like it might become a fairly lucrative deal. I get several job notices per week and can bid on the ones I like. So far, I’ve only landed the above fiction job via the network, but I’m in negotiations on several other projects. The drawback is that these are all individuals, so the above-mentioned hassles all apply. And I have to pay the network’s commission for connecting me to the client. But the network does all kinds of marketing in a kind of Web dragnet fashion. I’m not sure how valuable these network jobs will be in terms of providing impressive résumé material: After all, who’s heard of Joe Blow’s unpublished memoire, and more importantly, who cares if I edited it?
This morning I had my fifth and sixth vials of blood drawn for this pregnancy. This time it was for the blood glucose test.
The typical way this is handled is for the pregnant woman to arrive at the lab, drink a glass of completely vile Glucola syrup, which is pure sugar, and then wait an hour in the lobby. Then two vials of blood are drawn and later tested to see how the body reacts to the sugar influx. Before the techs will give you the Glucola, they require that you fast for 12 hours.
That’s the allopathic way. Although I tried to convince her that she shouldn’t make me take the test, my midwife insisted, but gave me an alternate method: Rise early. Eat eggs. Drink 1 and 3/4 cups pure apple juice. Arrive at the lab 40 minutes after drinking the juice, 20 minutes before the blood should be drawn. Tell the lab that (1) I’ve been fasting, and (2) that I drank Glucola 40 minutes ago. If one doesn’t answer the med techs’ questions properly, they’ll refuse to draw the blood, even though this is one of the few blood tests that doesn’t require fasting; apparently exceptions to the rule will not be tolerated.
So, I went the alternative route this time. My blood has been drawn. I feel crappy because there’s pure apple juice pumping through my veins right now, but I know I’d be feeling worse if it were Glucola in combination with an empty stomach.
It’s just fairly ridiculous to me that all these tests are necessary even when I’ve opted for (just about) the least medicalized prenatal care/birth option there is (for middle-class white women) in this country.
Bah! Coffee’s a better rush.
Yesterday, after I brought Lucas home from school, he calmly announced that he had a friend coming over to play.
Oh. I was relieved that there wouldn’t be a surprise visit from one of Lucas’s classmates and a mommy who would see the disaster that is my house.
Lucas bounded to the front door and opened it just in time for us to see a big helicopter landing on our front lawn. With great joy, he invited his pilot friend into the house and then politely introduced us. “Mom, this is Charle.”
Charle wasn’t here long before he and Lucas started arguing about something. I wish I could remember exactly what it was, but I don’t. Lucas came to me, very upset because Charle (“Not Charles, Mom! CHAR-ul!”) was disagreeing with him on some important point.
Now I’m mediating an argument between Lucas and his imaginary friend.
“Well, Charle and Lucas. You two need to get along while Charle is visiting. We’ll have to share and treat each other with respect and use only kind words. If you keep arguing, we’ll be forced to ask Charle to leave.”
Lucas looked at his buddy.
“Well, guys? Do you think you can get along nicely?” I asked.
Lucas nodded. Presumably, Charle nodded, too, because a big smile spread over Lucas’s face. “Come on!” he said. “I’ll show you my room.”
The two boys scampered off to play.
I just tried on a pair of beige maternity overalls that were given to me. Goddamn if I don’t look exactly like Humpty-Dumpty. Back in the box, foul garment of ridiculousness!
Today we shopped for a birthday present at the Waldorf Children’s Store. As I paid for my purchase, the woman ringing me up asked, “When are you due?”
I smiled and said, “February.”
“Oh my,” she said, as her face registered shock. “Well, the second can get really big really fast. This is your second?”
I was no longer smiling. “Yes, my second.”
“Or…” she paused and looked at me hopefully, “Are you having twins?” She whispered the word “twins.”
“No. I’m not having twins,” I replied, not looking at her. “And thank you for commenting on my size.” I turned away feeling shamed and embarrassed.
She squeeked but didn’t respond with any real words. Maybe I heard an “Oh … I …” Not sure. I walked away, and left the store even though Ian and Lucas were still inside. I think I managed to call to them as I started crying. Sobbing, actually.
People are so thoughtless and cruel. Why do complete strangers think it’s OK to comment on and judge my body. I am not community property!
On Tuesday, Ian and I went to a parent-teacher conference—the first of many, I’m sure.
They are impressed with Lucas’s fine-motor skills, as evidenced by his sewing beads onto his Indian crown and his drawings. They showed us a very detailed drawing he made of gnomes working underground. Some of them hold tools like saws and hammers, or maybe pickaxes. Lucas is able to play with both boys and girls, and really enjoys dressing up during free play time.
He is also paying very close attention during story time, the puppet shows, and plays. Each time he is given a role to play, he is happy and really captivated by it. He lives into the experience, they said. I know that he’s recently played the part of a baby bear, an Indian, and a gnome.
During outside playtime, Lucas likes to play in the sandbox—in fact, that was his primary occupation at the start of the year. Now that he’s made more friends, he is joining in with other children to play squirrels or puppies, or whatever.
The teachers are collecting his artwork (the pieces that don’t go into birthday books for children who have birthdays). They’ll give it all to us at the end of the year, I guess. He is painting again this year (at his last preschool, they didn’t paint with watercolors).
So, although we were all a little bit unsure how he would cope with such a big group, being so young, he’s doing great and they are delighted to have him there. I’m feeling so great about our decision to place him in Red Rose. Even though sometimes I freak out about the tuition, I can’t really think of anything else we’d rather spend our money on.
I had to fill out a questionnaire before the conference:
What are your most immediate concerns? Is Lucas thriving in Red Rose? He seems so happy! How do we best integrate a new baby into our family? We’re considering whether to have Lucas share a bedroom with his brother. They’ll be almost five years apart, which might be too big a span to share space…
What changes have you noticed over the past few months in your child’s development, behavior, and rhythms? Lucas has all but given up napping. But, we maintain a rest period every day. He’s very tired by 7 p.m. and he’s in bed most nights by 7:30 p.m. He has been singing more and playing in new ways. We’ve noticed more pretend play, more talk of magic and fairies and gnomes. A little more gun play too. 
Generally, he’s easier now than he was four months ago.
Are there any changes in your home over the past few months, or anticipated, that could create new rhythms or stress for your child? We transitioned from a summertime schedule to a school schedule with a normal amount of bumps, I think. We are expecting a new baby in early February 2007, so we anticipate some rhythm and schedule upsets and some stress because of that. We don’t want Lucas to feel displaced. We’re glad he has school to help keep the rhythm.
What would you like to change? We would like less arguing! Lucas is very opinionated and would like to run the show. We work hard to keep boundaries clear.
What is a favorite focused activity of your child? Playing with trains (though less that he used to), drawing (tons of drawing), writing (he’s practicing his letters on his own), making “play sets” of various toys that come with elaborate scenarios.
What are his favorite foods? Least favorite foods? Does he like to snack? Macaroni and cheese, stir fry, yogurt, salmon, broccoli, pomegranates, soup, cold cereal, tofu, fruit (especially apples). Yes, Lucas likes to snack, but eats with gusto most of the time. He is great at trying new foods, and has a varied diet.
How easy/difficult is it to dress your child adequately for warmth and protection? It’s easy in that he only rarely has an opinion about clothing, so we choose for him. (Sometimes I worry that he’ll get too hot at school and not be able to take off layers by himself to be comfortable.) He’s great about wearing hats! Dressing in the morning can be challenging because he would rather play and doesn’t like to be hurried.
How is your child typically coming home from school? Is there a rhythm after school? The hour and a half after school is flexible. He is often happy to come home and play with his toys. Occasionally, we do errands or go on a walk or visit a park. At 2:00 or 2:30 he goes down for a “nap,” which is really more a rest period in his room. Two days a week, Lucas goes to a day care for aftercare. I’m not exactly sure what the rhythm there is, but I know he has a rest period there too.
How is dinner time (time, everyone there, hungry/picky)? It’s between 6:00 and 6:30 p.m. most nights. We all eat together. Lucas is a great eater who tries new foods and eats a balanced meal. He doesn’t refuse foods very often. We say a blessing before dinner. Lucas loves to help cook, so we involve him in food prep whenever possible.
How is the bedtime routine? Is it working for you? What time do you bid goodnight? How does he go to sleep? Is it through the night in his own bed? We’ve had the same routine for years. It goes: bath or shower (his choice), brushing teeth, pajamas, stories with Dad, candle prayer all together, songs and cuddles with Mom. He goes to sleep with me in the room most nights (Usually there is no arguing or stalling. With no nap, by bedtime, he’s really tired.) He sleeps alone in his own bed all night. He often wakes up once, sometimes twice. He comes to our bed early in the morning (6:00 a.m.) for cuddles, or else plays quietly in the living room until we wake up.
How is the morning rhythm? Is the child able to dress himself? Sleepy? Alert? What does your child eat for breakfast? Is he hungry for breakfast? Lucas is almost always up by 6:30 a.m. He’s usually alert and ready to play or is cuddly and lovey. He eats cold cereal or oatmeal and cheesy eggs for breakfast. Sometimes fruit too, but not often. Yes, he’s usually hungry right away. He does not yet dress himself. Sometimes dressing is a bit challenging (see above).
Does the child help regularly around the house? Is this working for you? Not as much as we would like! His chore is to feed the fish. Picking up toys is difficult. Sometimes Lucas mops or dusts. He likes to cook. I liked Mrs. Klocek’s idea of having an after-dinner clean-up time, but we don’t always have enough time. Saturdays we do household tasks together. Anytime Lucas can help his Dad with a project, he is very happy—especially if the project involves tools.
Happy birthday to a woman who inspires, who cares, who listens, who acts according to her conscience, and who isn’t afraid to walk into the dark. Dakini_Grl, you are a joy to know and a force for good in the universe. I am blessed to have your friendship. I love you.
Musturbation A term coined by Albert Ellis to refer to behavior that is absolutist and rigid; self-constructed, self-repeated, and self-learned “musts,” “oughts,” and “shoulds.”
(From a book on group therapy that I’m proofing.) I have a black belt in musturbation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
