Morning. Lucas is at school. Ian’s at a big meeting downtown. Asher is asleep for the moment. I’m enjoying my second cup of coffee and procrastinating on chapter 5.

It’s been a good but busy week. Getting back to the school-year daily schedule has been challenging for me. It feels limiting to have to be home and have Lucas in bed by 8 p.m. My own body/mind is on a 24-hour clock these days, by which I mean that I’m not always asleep during normal sleeping hours, not always working during normal working hours, and not always relaxing during normal relaxing hours. (It makes sense to me, but probably isn’t comprehendible by others.) 

I finished two jobs on Tuesday. I’m wrestling with one now and another one is about to flood in again, on the weekend, after a hiatus that was beyond my control. I’m honestly a little tired, but don’t have the time to rest.

Asher’s will is coming through more these days. He very clearly expresses displeasure whenever I leave his sight. This is the start of separation anxiety, which is unfortunate because I now feel a few hours away from him would do me a lot of good.  

He’s starting to rock back and forth on his butt and lean waaaaaay out in front to reach for things or to suck on his toes. He basically folds himself in half to do this. I hope, hope, hope that he’ll wait at least another two months before he crawls, but I can tell he’s contemplating the benefits of mobility and practicing movements and strengthening his core. He’s complaining less when placed on his tummy now; he pops up and lifts his upper body with his arms to look around.  He has decided that it’s cool to drop things onto the floor. 

Asher is also very interested in food: So far he’s had apples, broccoli, carrots, sweet potatoes, butternut squash & corn, bananas, avocadoes, plums, and rice cereal. He clearly prefers the fruits to the veggies, but I persevere. I’m making most of it myself, which is cool because I can make it with organic produce and breastmilk or water, so I know exactly what is in his food. We are still breastfeeding lots, which makes me happy. It’s getting easier now, as Ian can feed Asher baby food if I’m away when he gets hungry.  

I’m tired. Too tired to be socially outgoing. Too tired to reach out to friends. Seems kind of pointless to do so when I know they are all busy beyond comfort. Sometimes I get tired of being the one to reach out; I have quite a few friendships for which that is the norm. I’m trying to stay in the present and enjoy small things–little moments of peace like this one, little accomplishments, little victories.  The fall is coming, which leads me to indulge in moody thoughts and wistful fantasies that don’t much resemble my real life. The crazy is coming. I can feel it in the air.

Oh. There’s the baby …

EDIT:  Just to clarify: the relationships for which I feel I am the primary reacher-outer are not with the dear people who read my LJ. I’m talking about friendships that are in some cases newer and/or outside of family. I didn’t write that to make anyone feel accused or guilty.

  
My nature boys in Tahoe at Echo Lake. (Asher is in the backpack sleeping.)

Asher at six months exactly (in these next three pictures).

Toes are especially yummy.

First touch of sand. August 11, 2007.

“This is the best day of my life!” 
“Why?”
“I get to do lowercase letters!”
 

Today is also the first day of school, but Lucas is home sick instead. The irony is clear to me. He’s “working” on his “homework,” which is a skill building book for mainstream school readiness. We gave it to him because he’s internally motivated to work on letters, color the pictures, and connect the dots, etc.  It gives him his own “chapters” to work on beside me while I work on editing chapters.

It’s TOOOOO strategyguidey here! I’ve been working hard editing all weekend, with only a few short breaks with my family. I’m tired and I’m nowhere near done. That fact is hard to face right now. It’s going to be a very long week with many, many deadlines. (I shouldn’t even be writing now.)

My friends are arriving/have arrived home from Burning Man and I don’t have time to call them to see how they are and if they’re safe and happy and pleased with their experiences. This makes me frustrated!

It was a big weekend for Big Boy milestones. Lucas got over his fear of jumping off the diving board when he saw TishTash jumping in. He now swims in the deep end of the pool fearlessly. I’m very proud of him. It’s exciting to see him leap into space and splash into the water because I remember how gloriously thrilling that felt when I was a child.

Lucas also decided that today was the day to take the training wheels off his bike: It’s time to learn to ride without them, he says. Lucas’s buddies don’t use training wheels anymore, so he’s not going to either. Ian and Lucas practiced riding without them in the grassy field at the end of our street. Lucas mildly accepted the bumps he got and isn’t afraid of falling off, he says. Practice, practice, practice is all he needs.

We also flipped his bed upside down so that he’s now sleeping on the upper platform (the bed is meant to do that: the child can sleep either low or high). Now he has a nifty little fortlike space under his bed. We rearranged all the furniture in his room and brought a desk in there. It looks more like a boy’s room now, like he’ll be comfortable using it and spending more time in there now. (But I’m not painting over the fish mural for at least another year: First he has to decide on what he REALLY wants his room to look like. Right now he changes his mind all the time: airplanes! No, space ships! No, cars! No, bugs! 

I guess all these Big Boy changes are happening because school is about to start. He’s starting his second year of Kindergarten and will be one of the big kids. Wow.