Chronic Illness: Reposting A Comment I Wrote to Rebecca
I’m reposting this (slightly edited) “Comment” I wrote to Rebecca to my journal because it details some of my thoughts about chronic illness, health, and my own history and relationship with my asthma.
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4/5/06
“I can see how you could get stuck in all those questions. I don’t know if there are any answers to them. I don’t know about Prozac, but I can relate to some of what you say. I used to go into similar cycles and thoughts with regard to my asthma medicine. I would get sick, the docs would pump me full of meds, then I would get better. After a while, I would start feeling like a healthy person–the kind of person who doesn’t need to take preventive medication (every f—ing day). I would feel good, and NORMAL. I would forget some doses and take others, and eventually taper off to taking nothing. Then I would get sick again. Very sick. I would beat myself up for being foolish, for thinking that I might someday live a normal, nonmedicated life. The cycle would repeat. This went on for many years.
“For a while I tried all kinds of alternative therapies to manage my asthma. I liked the acupuncture, especially, but the acupuncturist was treating me with herbs as well as with needles. The primary herb she had me taking was ma huang, which is ephedra, which was a major component of my asthma drugs at the time anyway. So, I had this great burning desire not to be on drugs, but I was on drugs regardless. It became obvious and stupid after a while.
“We all want to be healthy. We want for our bodies and minds to function normally, without supports or disciplines of any kind (meds, exercise, proper nutrition, proper sleep cycles). We want to be able to call all the shots with our brains. But our bodies are systems–extremely complicated, interrelated systems. When you mess up one part, you throw off all the other parts of the system.
“Eventually, I grew up enough to realize and accept the fact that I have a medical condition that will not go away. My “health” is relative and is on a continuum. I am healthiest when I take my medications–when my various body systems function smoothly. I require those props to function with the greatest degree of balance.
“Prozac may be a different animal, but the pattern seems to be the same.”
