I worked a long time with a great author. He is patient and gentle, even when things get hairy. The book just recently shipped to the printer. I got this wonderful message of praise from him after I wrote him to say we are all done:

“You were incredible throughout, from start to finish; the unsung heroine…my heroine! Thank you for being so patient, persistent, creative, and flexible. You made this possible; without you, it would not have been! Congratulations, and thank you, thank you, thank you!”

I’m still flying high from this. Here’s the best part—I’ll get to work with him again!

The golds and oranges of autumn are gone now. This calendula plant grows in my backyard. I don’t know why it decided to bloom in January, but I’m grateful to see its sunny face.

I have hopes that it will spread far and wide this spring and summer.

These Nandina (also known as “heavenly bamboo”) berries greet me as I arrive at my front door.

The gray days of January have arrived. It’s wintery and cold here in the Sacramento Valley, but not snowing. It just doesn’t snow here (except for short-lived, freakish occasions), so the world takes on a dreary, muddy, gray quality for a few weeks. The sky is white or gray, trees are bare, brown and black leaves rot on the ground. Sometimes all we can see is gray fog rolling in or squatting to sit with us awhile.

I sometimes feel down during this time of year. The exciting holidays are over but we still have most of winter ahead of us, with spring a long-off promise.

I decided it would be fun to go looking for some color around my home.

How is it that in the same day—in the span of just a few hours—I can feel both depressed and optimistic, self-loathing and also pride in my accomplishments? I have a simultaneous dread of doing what I must do, and excitement about taking on new tasks. I just don’t get me sometimes.

Maybe this is some kind of letdown after the busybusybusy of my LOOOOOONG (and stressful during the last two months) project? It’s done. Yet I’ve heard nothing from anybody about it being done. I want to hear champagne corks popping and a few rounds of “For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow!”

I’m just quietly taking care of business, doing my own little post-mortem, paying my January taxes, paying my CPA, doing laundry, and editing a strategy guide.

I’m also dreaming up gift ideas and craft projects.

What is this feeling? … I think I’m … bored.

‘Cuz this is what you do when Daddy tries to get you dressed.

“I Captain Baby Asher. You Captain Mommy.”

“You want to buy something from my store? Like a chocolate milkshake?”

“Whatchu doing, Lucas?”

“I want to watch a program.”

“I need a nack (snack).”

“You like my daddy? You like my brother? You like a baby? Me?”

“I don’t like this dinner.”

“Baby use your red phone?”

“Can we eat at a restaurant?”

“Leave me alone. I need to work.”

“I a superguy. A superhero!”

“Look out! Aliens are coming!”

“I need water. One ice. Two ice.”

“Baby touch your nipples GENTLY?”

Blessed quiet fills the house this morning. School has started back up, and although it was a trifle rocky getting Lucas out the door, I am very pleased to be back to our school-days routine. I am enjoying filling my body with the silence and deep breaths. There is plenty to do: editing work, chores, errands. And yet, I’m feeling peaceful and happy.

We had a good, long winter break. Ian was off work for the entire time the kids were out of school and daycare, and that, my friends, is a BEAUTIFUL thing. I’m so grateful because my work didn’t slack off at all until New Year’s Day and if Ian hadn’t been at home to keep the children occupied, I never would have made it. I am burned out and weary, but the last couple of days have been mellow, with hardly any work at all—just a check-in here, an email to write and send there. Rest is most welcome and I’m hoping to get a lot of it this week.

Christmas. What can I say? It was glorious and outrageous as ever. It was abundant and fun. It was also both busy and a little weird at times. Family troubles dominated my family’s side of things this year. Fortunately, I think my boys didn’t even notice. The gift-giving at RoRo’s house was low-key compared to usual, which was a blessing. And yet, somehow, my parents made up for that by showering presents on my kids. Mom and Dad and Jonathan arrived at our house Christmas morning with a huge carload of gifts. My mother kept shaking her head and muttering, “I guess I got a little carried away this year.” This amuses me; it’s not really like her to do so.

Ian and I approached Christmas with a fair amount of trepidation. Some of which was totally unfounded. We enjoyed a spur-of-the-moment shopping spree at Toys R Us for the kiddos. We also plowed through our home and garage in the last days before Christmas and boxed up lots of old toys for Goodwill and some for Ian’s clinic. So far, not a single item has been missed by Lucas or Asher.

I am so grateful the children had such a nice Christmas. Our days were full of conspicuous good behavior, talk of Santa Claus, and lots attention from Daddy.

Here are just some of the wonderful gifts we received:

Lucas: lots of science kits (experiments, volcanoes, science you can eat such as soda, rock candy, etc.), rollerblades, books, awesome colored pencils, Green Lantern action figures, and massive amounts of Lego.

Asher: books, puzzles, a noisy rocket ship, a noisy fire truck, a noisy cash register (his new “computer”), wooden boats, play dough, a carved owl that hoots, wooden tools, and nice block crayons.

Ian: a gorgeous new rug, many books, lots of music, a sweater, slippers, and high-quality cookware.

Sara: a gorgeous new rug, a Singer sewing machine, Gingher sewing shears, books, sweaters, two scarves, and lotion.

Our 15th annual Christmas party was a huge success! We were delighted to welcome old friends and new to our home Christmas night. I’m still smiling about it. We had a bunch of kids come, too, which was great fun for our boys. The last guests left at 2:30 a.m. on Boxing Day.

I had high hopes to make gifts this year. None of my plans panned out because my work kept me cranking hard the whole month. Some part of me finds it interesting to watch my internal struggle about that; letting go of my expectations and banishing the Shoulds is often hard for me. But I did it eventually out of necessity. Our Christmas was bountiful in every way, and that is thanks, in part, to the work I do.

Thank you to all who showered us with presents, good food, their presence, good wishes, and love.

Lately it’s been hard to see beyond the end of my nose, or maybe my children’s noses. Our Christmas was in turns weird and wonderful. We managed to keep a pretty good attitude as it unfolded, despite some family challenges. Ian and I hunkered down and focused on the parts that were important to us.

We are looking forward to a happy new year. The truth is 2009 was tough in many ways and for many people. I have witnessed some dear ones in unbearable pain; I have held them in my heart. I have also struggled with my own dragons repeatedly and regularly. But we also experienced a lot of joy.

January 2009: We rang in the New Year as a swindler and a showgirl. We took a family vacation to Maui with my parents, brother, and Jonathan’s girlfriend. There we went diving, hiking, ate amazing food prepared by my brother, and thoroughly enjoyed the beach and each other. The best part was that Dad was well on his way to recovering from the heart surgery he had in Oct ’08. At the end of the month, Asher had his second birthday!

February: Lucas began reading! My dad turned 65. Ian, Lucas, Asher, and I spent a week in Tahoe at the cabin, wearing pajamas, playing games, eating food Ian prepared from a really old recipe book we found there. We played in the snow and met up with friends. Lucas and Ian rode snowmobiles! I knitted, worked, and wrote a bit. I started sleeping through most of the night again—bliss! Ian took over a lot of nighttime parenting. We spent a fair part of February and March sharing germs and being sick; these viruses roll through our family slowly and methodically, it seems.

March: I did some fun needle-felting and Ian and I crafted a soft headboard and side-rail for Asher’s bed. Asher learned a bazillion new words (including “Grandma”) and I stopped trying to keep track of them because they flooded in so fast. We had fun at the school auction fundraiser. Leprechauns visited us one night. I worked on my first computer book and found myself drowning in freelance work for several months. I received my first royalty check, but even better than that was hearing my very first “I love you” from Asher.

April: Two weeks of spring vacation for the kids, with Easter fun and a visit from a magical Bunny at the end. Lucas enjoyed nature camp at Effie Yeaw Nature Center. We celebrated Delphinia in honor of the springtime with good friends at Point Reyes National Seashore, one of our favorite places in California. Lucas entered his “feeling years” with a bang and we had to find new ways of communicating and dealing with each other. Asher started singing. All our fish were eaten up by a murderous tank-mate. We planted a new tree.

May: Asher spent time perfecting his tantruming techniques. Ian and Lucas built an awesome robot sculpture! Lucas turned 7; we threw him an amazing Aliens and Robots birthday party and he got a pet mouse. Lucas also participated in a beautiful May Day celebration at his school. I turned “25.” Ian took me to see The Lion King show and planted a bunch of new plants for our yard. Asher weaned in May, after 51 poignant, glorious months of breastfeeding. Ian and I got our first overnight break from the boys in three long years.

June: Lucas finished first grade and summer vacation began. We gardened a bit. Ian and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. Lucas and I took a pottery class, which we loved. We made lots of cool art and useful objects from clay. Lucas explored both natural science and fine arts during day camps. I sewed pants and shorts for my boys with my mother. June weather was cool and comfortable. We went on a boating trip with friends and it was just what we needed. Poor Ian had his wisdom teeth removed, but he got to chill at home and recover.

July: Ian and I got to go whitewater rafting with friends. Lucas and Asher spent their summer days at the Bennett’s house playing and learning. I worked a lot on my textbook project, which heated up from here and has carried on under full steam through the end of the year. Ian got some bad news, but we weathered it. BBQs and beer and friends. Lucas enjoyed regular playgroup dates with his school friends. We visited wonderful friends in San Rafael and San Francisco and spent a couple of days exploring museums and the Oakland zoo. We discovered what a perfectionist Lucas can be and Asher finally let me sing to him.

August: We vacationed for a few days with Grandpa Glen and Mimi at Mimi’s cabin in Strawberry, splashing in creeks and lakes. I finished my biggest knitting project ever, a baby blanket I started in February. Lucas got to spend a week learning robotics and another learning kayaking, sailing, canoeing, wiggleboarding, and other boating skills at the Sac State Aquatics Center. We spent a fair amount of time in the pool. I moved my blog to my own website www.loveinthesuburbs.com—why? I’m still not exactly sure … Asher started puffing and playing trains.

September: We reached the end of 13 weeks of summer vacation and I celebrated! Lucas started second grade. We attended a spectacular wedding in San Francisco, and yes, it moved me to tears. Lucas participated in Michaelmas and showed great bravery and determination. He also started playing school. We celebrated the autumn equinox with homemade caramel apples—probably my most adventuresome culinary endeavor of the year. I started knitting a sweater for Asher, which is still a long way from being done. Ian and I had 49 hours without our kids in Santa Barbara and Solvang. Lucas lost his two front teeth!

October: Ian turned 38 and we went wine-tasting with a friend. We also played “Beatles Rock Band.” We created fun Halloween decorations from felt. We visited the pumpkin patch and I took a ton of photos, like usual. Lucas was Christopher Robin, Asher was a superhero and Ian and I were Peter Pan and Wendy. Asher started playing store and began a persistent habit of piling all his stuff in a huge jumble. Ian and I took on a big project and we worked all the time!

November: Lots of freelance work kept us hopping all month. We went on a wonderful vacation to Capitola over Thanksgiving. We visited the boardwalk at Santa Cruz, played games, dug in the sand, and chased waves. Lucas sewed a doll from scratch. Ian and the kids played with dry ice. We went on a Lantern Walk in the darkness.

December: December was so busy that it was hard to write. It snowed! We went to an Advent party with some friends, and went to an Advent ceremony at school. Lucas participated in a Santa Lucia celebration. Dad and I made plum jam again. Ian did more than his share of this Christmas shopping. I am reaching the end of an 18-month project and it has had me cranking (and a little cranky) all through Christmas. We enjoyed a wonderful Christmas party here at our home—the 15th—with old friends and new. Santa Claus visited and our beloved family showered us with far too many presents. We are tremendously blessed!

Over this past year, Asher has learned to talk, to play pretend, and gradually, to throw tantrums. He and Lucas are becoming closer and closer, which comes with its own set of problems but many, many delights. Asher has been weaned both from mama milk and his pacifier, about which he’s is still kind of mad. Gradually he moved to sleeping in his own bed part of the night, then most of the night, and now only part of the night again. His year was pretty constant and rhythmic, just as I hoped it would be, thanks in no small part to Tina and Janise at Ring-A-Rosie’s preschool.

My work was amazingly steady in 2009, with periods of extreme busyness and intensity. I am grateful for all the opportunities and learning experiences and feel like I’m entering 2010 in decent shape.

I do not know what the future holds, but I know it will be filled with all the mucky beauty of family life.

Happy New Year!

Painting by Lucas. Feliz Navidad!