It has been snowing steadily for days. In the almost-week that we’ve been here, I think we’ve received at least three feet of snow. It is both inspiring and challenging. Somehow the snowy landscape makes me feel contemplative. And hungry, but whatever.Our lovely friends kittiliscious, her man J, and mrplanet4 left this morning to make their way home. Ian and I have decided that it will be better for all of us if we take an extra day to wait out this big storm and not try to transport two bored little boys over the summit and home again while fighting weather and traffic the whole time. I’m happy with 2-hour drives home; I’m not at all crazy about 4-hour drives. I keep staring out the window and marveling at how ethereal the woods look. The light is bluish and it makes the evergreens look nearly black. Both the sky and the ground are the same brilliant white. Heavy pillows of snow burden every limb and branch. The palette is completely monochromatic. The road is invisible, despite the snowplow’s several daily visits. Two-foot icicles hang from the eaves; their shape is spiraled, like unicorn horns. Inside we are snug and warm. Our kitchen is well-stocked with food, so we could easily stay another several days if we needed to. We have everything to make our stay comfortable, including a clothes washer and dryer and dishwasher. We just ran out of vodka, however.  We have passed many happy hours this week playing in the snow, taking walks or “trudges,” playing games, drawing, sewing, creating toys, and reading. Lucas was thrilled to have our friends join us, for they provided a patient (sometimes eager) audience for him. He strove to impress them with his skills, his expertise, his humor, and his antics. I am amazed at his ability to interact with adults. He can be suave: “Kat, you could come and sit beside me, if you want.” He can be charming: “Justin, that was so fun riding on the saucer yesterday. It was awesome! Do you want to pull me along like that now?” He can act so grown up: “Don’t disturb me right now. I’m doing important homework and I can’t be disturbed.” Asher was nervous when we first arrived, but has settled into these surroundings beautifully. I was very happy that he hasn’t been especially attracted to the gas stove in the middle of the main room as it’s been on almost constantly and it’s very hot. It took him several days, but yesterday he realized that he was capable of climbing the stairs all the way to the top floor where we’ve all been sleeping. He was so proud of himself when he reached the top landing, he clapped for himself and squealed. Since then, he’s done it a bunch of times, and I wonder what it must be like to crawl up stairs like that: What if I encountered a staircase like this in the same scale? Would I want to climb it over and over again? Every new accomplishment delights him. He is learning at every moment. Asher is not walking yet, but is beginning to “creep” along while leaning on the furniture. He is fascinated with the snow that he can see outside, but is not too keen on touching it. He despises his snowsuit, but seems to like the snowflakes falling on his face.  Today when we went out to play, Asher seemed to be more comfortable in the snow, sitting in it and batting at it. There’s so much powder I can easily imaging putting him down and losing him in a drift. We have our Ergo carrier with us; obviously a stroller is pretty much useless. But man, with all the snow gear on us and on Asher, he’s really hard to lug around. For a brief time we were able to put Lucas on a saucer and Asher on Lucas and tow them along the road. We received a few dazzling smiles from both of them as a reward for our effort. Lucas is very brave, even when he slips and falls on the ice. He enjoys saucering a lot. It’s clear that his smaller body must work harder to plow through the snow drifts. He presses on because he wants to squeeze as much fun out of the experience as possible. His face glows with melted snowflakes and rosy cheeks. But when he tires, emotions run high and he demands hot cocoa. I am so happy that we can spend time in this glorious landscape and give him this experience.  

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Originally uploaded by SarabellaE

On Flickr there are a number of photos with descriptions of gifts that Lucas gave to me, Ian, and Asher for Christmas. They are all things he worked on with his own hands. This photo shows a Lucas original design: Cup Cozies!

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Originally uploaded by SarabellaE

I believe Lucas has made a huge leap in his cognition. I see it coming through in surpising ways. On January 13 he built a huge block city with almost perfect symmetry. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him build anything with any care for that aesthetic. I took lots of pictures.

I have also been taking pictures of some of his lego creations. They have also ramped up in complexity, indicating to me a change in his spatial thinking and engineering ability. We’re talking helicopters with spinning rotors, mummy’s tombs, and—of all things—a bird. I’ll post some of those soon.

Sometimes I sit back and realize that I’m just here to provide a warm place and food so that this genius can unfold in the universe. It seems determined to do so.

 “We’re brothers together, friends forever!”

I remembered some more stuff I want to say about Asher and who he is right now.

The pottying thing (EC) has suffered a lot since Asher learned to crawl. It is MUCH harder to guage when he needs to pee now, and he is so busy exploring the house and everything in it he doesn’t really signal that he has to go. So we have had a lot more diapers to wash since about mid November than we had for the 5 months prior to that. That nifty thing he used to do—waking me up in the night to tell me he had to pee—doesn’t happen anymore. Now he wakes up once or twice a night to complain because he has peed and he’s uncomfortable. Still, we manage to get him to the potty in time sometimes, which makes me happy because I just want him to be used to going there. It may be time to consult the book again in search of more EC tips.

Self-feeding is pretty cool! Asher got really picky over the last few days, refusing to eat even the mushy foods that he has always enjoyed. It appears that he would like to do more self-feeding, so I’m trying to figure out little, soft foods that he can pick up and eat. He doesn’t have many teeth (no molars at all), so it has to be food that he can mash. The bananas aren’t recognized as food by him, although they’re great for squishing in his hands. Other no-gos include: tofu most of the time, corn kernels, and steamed apples. The cheese tortellini cut in half and covered in pesto sauce have been a hit, though (see today's other post). At Christmas dinner, he loved the mashed potatoes. 

Asher now claps his hands when he is happy, especially if we say “Yay!” and clap about something he has done, like signing appropriately. His little chubby face lights up when he claps. It’s gorgeous. It’s clear that he understands many words that we say. 

It’s completely adorable when Asher crawls into the bathroom while Lucas is in the tub. Asher pulls himself up against the side of the bathtub to peer in and watch Lucas. So far, they get along beautifully, except when Asher knocks down Lucas’s block cities. I have to remind Lucas not to yell at his little brother. Asher laughs and laughs at Lucas’s weird antics and funny voices. Lately, Lucas has been playing chipmunks. (My parents let Lucas watch a few Chip and Dale cartoons, and ever since, he’s been fascinated with the stories.) Anyway, Lucas is Chip and Asher is Dale. Lucas talks in a thoroughly obnoxious, high, squeaky voice and Asher eats it up.

When Asher gets really excited and he’s sitting on the ground, he starts bouncing. He can actually travel forward by bouncing on his bottom! I suppose this is the natural evolution of the arm flapping that he used to do when he was younger.

Tomorrow, Asher and I start attending a Mommy and Baby class that will be held one morning a week at Lucas’s Waldorf school. It’s not because Asher needs to go to school to learn how to be a baby. And I don’t need classes on how to be a mommy (maybe I could use classes on how to be a better mommy). But it sounds like it will be fun and we’ll get to socialize with others. The teacher asked me on the phone why I want to come to the class. I told her it was because I need to learn some new songs. I’m sick to death of the songs that I know and I’d like to learn new ones to sing to my kids. I don’t sight read music all that well: I have to hear it first. She thought that was funny.

Last year, I managed to throw together a tiny Solstice celebration. At the last minute, I invited Theresa and Greg and Phoebe over for dinner. I decorated the table with a gold lamé and served only yellow foods (butternut squash soup, oranges, summer squashes cut into disks and sautéed, chicken with a lemon sauce, sparkling cider, and probably other stuff I don’t remember). We had a lovely, silly time, subtly worshipping the sun and its return.

Today I don’t have any such thing planned, but maybe I’ll go to the grocery store for some oranges or something.

Over the course of this month, we’ve been observing Advent, à la Waldorf schools and Anthroposophists rather than Catholics/Christians. The difference is slight, however. We have an Advent Wreath (a real evergreen wreath) and in the center we placed a Celtic-style candleholder that was a gift from Flonkbob (and Chilipantz?) many years ago. Although the candleholder is not a ring, per se, it features three outer candles with a place for one elevated candle in the center. It’s beautiful and works nicely as the symbolic equivalent of the four weeks leading up to Solstice/Christmas, with the fourth being the prominent one signifying the birth of the Sun/Christ. (The Advent wreath we had when I was growing up was a ring, but in the Catholic tradition, we used 3 purple candles and 1 pink candle signifying the climax. Pink/purple are the traditional colors of Advent in the church.) This year, I’ve stuffed it with golden beeswax candles made by lovely dakini_grl.

Each night, we’ve been reciting the following poem, which I believe is traditional for the Anthroposophists:

The first light of Advent,
It is the light of Stones,
Stones that live in crystals, seashells,
And our bones.

The second light of Advent
It is the light of plants,
Plants that reach up to the sun,
And in the breezes dance.

The third light of Advent,
It is the light of Beasts,
The light of hope that we may see
In greatest and in least

The fourth light of Advent,
It is the light of man,
The light of love, the light of thought,
To give and understand.

I like this verse because it’s earth- and human-centered. It’s pagan-sounding to me. But that pagan stuff isn’t quite so important to me as it used to be. I’ve become like Joseph Campbell in my old age. I’ve been meditating on the meaning of Christmas to me and how well I see the lines that connect this holiday with other, older holidays. My need to step apart and define myself as a pagan, as something entirely other than a Christian, is much diminished. I’m finding that this is making me really happy, and is allowing me to enjoy all the religiosity of the season more. Somehow there’s less of a reason to be uptight.

ASIDE:
At one point last year sometime, Ian’s mother expressed concern that Lucas must be educated about the Christian faith so that he can live in our God-fearing, Christian society.  I hardly fear that Lucas will somehow escape learning a basic knowledge of Christianity, just because we don’t define ourselves as Christians. She worried because we were attending the Unitarian Universalist Society services: “Do they even talk about Christ?!”

Anyway, we have been singing the Advent song that mentions the Christ child along with our candle-lighting ritual. Lucas’s face always lights up when we sing “Then comes the Christ child at the door.” I think that he is really captivated by the image of a child being the inspiration of the season.

The other morning, all by myself, I sat down on the couch in my living room with some Christmas carol sheet music and sang my wondering Christian heart out.