Barely Coherent and Melodramatic Words About Burning Man

Burning Man.

It burned me up and out and lit the fire in my heart again. It wasted me and renewed me again and again each day I was there. I was schizophrenically me and not me at the same time; my roles were mixed-up and rolled together and it made me freer and more confused than ever. It. Was. Hard. Mothering and being mothered. Nurturing and being nurtured. Intimate insiders busting out and brand-new outsiders getting in. I didn’t like the theme. Yet I lived the theme. Hopes were dashed and fears realized. Other fears blew away in the wind and new hopes were born in me. Sometimes I was all there and other times I was lost and nowhere and without a compass, except the Man. My man. The Sun. My Son. Emotions gripping and then vanishing. Nature and Elements clung to my skin. There was no escape, yet through surrender, I escaped all. I. Was. Sober. Nothing but a little caffeine to fuel my urges. Baby inside, boy outside. Peeingest Burning Man Ever! Being semi-recognizably pregnant on the playa brought attentions both unexpected and sometimes undesired. I felt simultaneously my most beautiful self and my most awkward and invisible. At times I was fully surrounded by my dearly beloved, reveling in their quiet presence. At other times I felt distantly separated despite their nearness. My husband and lover—alone with me at last. REJOICING in our togetherness. It was both quiet and desperate, both beautiful and sad. Thank you, Agents.

In a word, I am now RAW from the dust, the heat, the art, the effort, and the impact.

2 Responses to “Barely Coherent and Melodramatic Words About Burning Man”

  • dakini_grl
    September 6, 2006 at 9:59 am

    Melodrama? I don’t know. To me, your post is really how it is out there. The whole thing puts you through a grinder and shoots you out of a cannon and reduces you to dust and forces you to address yourself. Quiet and desperate, beautiful and sad, profane and sacred, beauty and warts. I love that you put it here for me to read. Thank you. I love you.


  • sarabellae
    September 6, 2006 at 5:21 pm

    I have so many thoughts and emotions right now. Somehow they’re all dammed up. It’s so hard coming home to default, even when default is all new and different.


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    Thanks for visiting! I’m Sara, editor and writer, wife to Ian, and mother of two precious boys. I am living each day to the fullest and with as much grace, creativity, and patience as I can muster. This is where I write about living, loving, and engaging fully in family life and the world around me. I let my hair down here. I learn new skills here. I strive to be a better human being here. And I tell the truth.

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