Lucas has just passed his half birthday, bringing him to the ripe old age of 8 and a half. And although I took these photos about a month ago, to me they capture something of his present age. This is my sensitive, clever boy flying through the air, determined, sure-footed, and courageous. He knows his capabilities. He can plan his footfalls, and he can adapt and switch course if he needs to.

He is self-assured and confident. He often marches into unknown territory with aplomb. His place in the universe is known and secure.

But there is still plenty of room for striving, for challenging himself, for testing and experimenting. It’s imperative. He must negotiate his way through space, through relationships, through his own needs and self-knowledge. He knows that he might get hurt, but he also knows he will heal if he does.

Sometimes he falls short or is disappointed. Sometimes he takes blows to his ego. Sometimes, despite all our efforts, he feels unloved and unwanted. He sits in judgment on himself and sometimes he doesn’t like what he sees. This too, is part of his age. He’s right where he’s supposed to be, figuring out who he is, and where and in what ways he is separate from others.

At this moment, he’s preparing to leave home. He has been planning an adventure for a few days now—one that he’s going on all by himself. He needs some freedom, he tells us. (At first his plan was to spend a whole day and night away, on his own, but that’s been modulated down to a more reasonable bike ride to his friends’ house a few blocks away. He knows to call me when he arrives there.)

Carpe diem! He is ready. He has a backpack full of provisions—lunch, a magnifying glass, and notebooks for any scientific discoveries he might make along the way. He also has his wand, just in case any bad guys or Dementors hassle him. He has his instructions and air in his tires. He knows his phone number.

Ah. That’s the bell on his bike. I hear it ringing as he rides out of the driveway, shouting good-bye. He made sure to give me a big hug and kiss, and gave some to his dad and brother, too. I saw the sparkle in his eyes. He is full of both our concern and our trust. He is feeling big, and capable, and sure.

Fare thee well, my sweet son.

I conned Ian into taking Monday, November 1st off work. Lucas’s school is not in session the day after Halloween. Some clever administrator or teacher realized that it’s not wise to try to keep kids under control after a late night and sugary treats. We pulled Asher out of preschool for the day and took a little drive.

We were determined to squeeze a bit more fun out of our weekend. We were celebrating Day of the Dead, in our own way, and Lucas’s half birthday. He is now officially 8 and a half years old. Day of the Dead or All Souls’ Day has never been a holiday in our two families, but since it marks Lucas’s half birthday, it has come to hold a special place in our year.

We decided that a trip to Apple Hill would be the perfect seasonal family outing, and with a little research, Ian found a very nice old cemetery to visit in gold country, Near Latrobe, California. Bryant Cemetery was established in 1848.

We wandered about and read the headstones, wondering about the lives of the pioneers who came out west and lived in California during the gold rush and the years following. We saw that many families’ were buried together, and that the people often died young. We tried to put into perspective for Lucas how long ago that was: no cars, people used horses and carts to travel, they would have carried water from rivers and streams, and so on.

This is Asher pretending to be a dead person.

The cemetery was small and quiet, shaded with beautiful valley oak trees. Some were dropping giant acorns quite near us!

This oak looked like it had quite a story to tell! We enjoyed our exploration and contemplation … until we got hungry.

Then we headed for lunch in Placerville and from there up to High Hill Ranch in Apple Hill. It’s a pretty big farm, with lots of room for the kids to run about. (I wish their pony rides weren’t $6 a ride, though! We opted to skip them.)

We shopped for yummy apples and came home with a big bag full of Fujis, Jona Golds, Galas, and Golden Delicious.

I don’t remember ever seeing these Arkansas Black apples before. They were so beautiful!

There is a fish pond at High Hill Ranch; you can pay to fish for trout, which you can clearly see in the water. Poor Lucas! His parents are too cheap. The kids loved sitting on this water cannon that spilled water into the pond.

We also bought caramel apples for the boys to eat—Asher’s first. He never made it to the apple, I’m afraid. Mama and Daddy ate apple pie. Mmm…

Lucas took the opportunity to somersault and roll down the grassy hillside. Monday is a great day to go—no big crowds!

Then we drove a bit more around Apple Hill, looking at the farms and orchards full of fruit and nut trees. We stopped at Bill’s Apples and Felice’s Dolls, where they have a spectacular flower garden. (They claim 3000 chrysanthemums!) It was a beautiful final stop, for some of us were getting moody. Perhaps that caramel apple sugar rush wore off?

Happy half birthday, my sweet son. I am so pleased we had this gorgeous Family Day all together.

Breaking the rules here to explain that my son was being contemplative in the cemetery, not mourning a loved one. He was having a quiet moment with his own thoughts.

Inspired by SouleMama {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

I have to write this down before I forget. It was so beautiful yet fleeting.

Last night, while Ian was cooking dinner and I was working, our two brilliant boys played together. Not bickered, not cajoled, not provoked, not poked—but played together.

And choirs of angels sang. And the night sky burst open with beams of silver moonlight. And fairies everywhere got their wings.

There is now sometimes a sliver of a sweet spot, when Lucas pulls out of his emotional upheavals and budding analysis and Asher rides the tide of his blossoming imagination and role-playing—a place where they meet on some magical common ground. Maybe it’s fairyland. Maybe it’s Neverland.

Good Sir Knight Asher went looking for a worthy opponent to fight, and thought he found one in the Wicked Knight Lucas. He came galumphing forth to the throne of Queen Princess Mommy, to inform her that he would save the kingdom. But it turned out that Lucas was actually a Gentle and Wise Wizard, a longtime friend and counselor of the Queen Princess. Indeed, the two noble men were actually both on the side of Good and Right People, and together they set out on a Quest, traveling far and wide through dangerous lands. The Good Knight was brave and strong and the Wise Wizard used White Magic to face down the darkness.

They even rescued a baby, who was found locked in a dungeon, hungry and cold, and swaddled him up to take him home with them.

My darlings both embraced Halloween with gusto this year, and a surprising amount of steadfastness—I half expected Asher to change his mind a few times about his costume. Whatever Lucas said to his little brother that made Asher want to be Hedwig the owl to Lucas’s Harry Potter, it stuck.

Lucas made a fantastic Harry Potter. He embodied Harry’s goodness and bravery, and only became more and more excited with each costume piece we gathered. We are very happy with grandma’s sweater and the purchased Gryffindor robe. (I suspect Lucas will get many joyful hours of play out of this robe.)

Asher’s costume was such fun for me! When he announced he wanted to be Hedwig, I easily saw how I could create it myself and forgo the store-bought Hedwig costume (with its impossibly tall and presumably heavy stuffed owl hood). I googled “snowy owls” and looked at some pictures. Then I spent $21 on the “angel” wings, boa, white mask, and black felt for the beak. I bought the sweat pants and hoodie sweatshirt from an Amazon shop. It took very little time to sew on the white boa. Technically, I spent a little more money on this than I would have for the premade owl costume, but I can take the feathers off this and Asher will have …  clothes. (Granted, they are white clothes—somewhat incompatible with little boys. But still …)

We had such a fun and busy day on the 31st. Lucas went to a Halloween party at some friends’ house. Asher and I had a marvelous time at the Sacramento Waldorf School’s Pumpkin Path, which I’ll write about later. We all met up again just before dark and had just enough time to eat a simple dinner and go trick-or-treating. (I wish I had some daylight pictures of them together.)

Asher wore a serious “owl face” much of the time (with smiles peeking through) and only hooted (“Hoo hoo!”) the whole time we were out. Grandma VoVo and Tolly joined us for trick-or-treating, as did Auntie and Uncle-to-Be. (Thanks guys!)

Harry and his entourage. Bit like a movie poster, isn’t it?

And even with all that good kid-style fun, Ian and I still got to go to two parties! With grown-ups. And each other. Yay! Fact is, we all adore Halloween, and any reason to play dress-up!

Happy Samhain. Dance around the fires! Welcome the Dark! We hope your Halloween was full of good mischief and sweet play, like ours.

Jack-O’-Lantern, Jack-O’-Lantern,
Your light it doth shine,
Sitting up upon the window
And your light it is mine.

You were once an orange pumpkin
Sitting on a sturdy vine,
Now you are a Jack-O’-Lantern,
And in the night you will shine.

Inspired by SouleMama {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Lucas and I have been working on this Halloween wreath for our door for a couple of weeks, felting one item at a time. We used a generic fall wreath of preserved leaves and pinecones that I bought, oh, two or three years ago, and started adding hand-made decorations to it. We were so casual about it that we haven’t even permanently fixed the ghosties and jack-o’-lanterns to it. We’re just letting the leaves and sticks kind of catch the wool fibers and hold our little fellows in place. Lucas made some creepy black spiders out of chenille wires and they finished the whole thing off beautifully.

I must credit Jen at Ancient Hearth for the ghost idea; she created a great tutorial to make these. Give it a try! They’re easy!

With a Twist …

“We thank you for our day,
We thank you for our friends and family,—”

“—Especially Daddy!”

“Yes. We thank you for each other,—”

“—Especially Daddy!”

“We thank you for our good health,—”

“—Especially Daddy!”

“We thank you for our big, beautiful earth,—”

“—Especially Daddy!”

“And we thank you for our rest.”

“Especially Daddy!”

“Especially Daddy. Blessed be.”

Inspired by SouleMama {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

My baby left this morning wearing Ian’s 20-year-old backpack covered in European country patches. It was stuffed with his gear and bigger than him.

“I feel like the tortoise who won the race. No wonder he went slowly!” Lucas said, staggering under its weight.

He’s off with his third-grade class for a first-ever overnight camping trip. They are going to Full Belly Farm, an organic farm in Capay (which must be really close to the farm we went to last weekend). The whole class will be sleeping in tents. It’s going to be awesome.

I am so proud of Lucas. Today, I truly feel that the time does fly by. Wasn’t it only a few months ago that I was holding his hand as we marched for the first time into the Kindergarten?

The anticipation of this class trip was hard on him. Lucas was pretty nervous and asked me more than once, “Do I have to go?” He cried and worried. It’s so hard to find the right balance between being compassionate about his emotional turmoil and being encouraging yet firm. No, I’m not going to let him skip this amazing class trip because he’s afraid of it. He is ready, even if he doesn’t know it yet. Does that make me mean? That’s mothering for you—I’m part Mom, part Sensei.

I just kept telling him how much fun he was going to have, how busy he and his classmates would be, and how it’s OK to feel nervous about things. “You’ll be fine! Lots of people will be there to take care of you,” I told him. I also know that Lucas is a wonderful caregiver, and so we role-played how he would act if he found one of his classmates was having a hard time and feeling sad and homesick. He came up with wonderful strategies for making that friend feel better. I think that made him feel empowered and competent.

I made sure Lucas has both phone numbers so he can call home if he needs to. The teachers said that would be fine. We packed a little lavender-scented pillow I made him for Valentine’s Day; something he can sleep with if he’s feeling homesick.

The worry he has been feeling the last couple of days seemed this morning to have been outstripped by his excitement. He happily trudged out the door—no tears, no bargaining, no hesitation. Just an 8 1/2-year-old boy with places to go and friends to meet.

Courage is being afraid and doing the right thing anyway. This trip seems to me to have just the right degree of challenge, the right ratio of fear to reward. And of course, it has everything to do with their third-grade curriculum, studying gardening and grains.

(These are partial-page scans from his Gardening and Grains lesson book. My scanner isn’t big enough to capture the whole page.)

I love this Waldorf curriculum. I love that my son gets to spend a day and a night on a working farm that is using sustainable practices and raising sheep for wool. I love that he knows where his food comes from. I love that part of school for him is fresh air and sunshine, digging in the mud and planting seeds, and swimming in a pond. I love that his physical and spiritual development are carefully considered in addition to his academic aptitude and achievement; that the health and unity of the class as a whole is considered. I love that he is challenged with tasks that are a trifle scary and difficult, and supported while he faces his fears and overcomes obstacles. I feel he is being nourished every day by these qualities and so many more that I can’t even put into words.

I’m just so full of gratitude, and hoping he has a wonderful time.