Daydreams
I’m currently daydreaming about joining the Sacramento Waldorf School Community Choir.
Anyway, I have all these dreams about doing creative stuff and learning new things but I can never seem to work them into my life or budget. A few weeks ago, my friend Julie Dollison sent out a message saying she’s directing ARCs jazz choir and needed people to enroll to ensure that the class would proceed as scheduled. It was open to anyone; you didn’t have to be a full-time student to enroll. Way back when I was in high school, the ARC jazz choir was awesome (and presumably still is). I used to attend their concerts all the time. For a couple of days, I seriously considered enrolling and joining the choir (if they’d have me), but in the end did nothing. I fantasized about me and Tate and Matimus all signing up together; I figured it would be so much fun—just like old times—but alas, Matimus can’t exactly attend rehearsals from NC and Tate doesn’t have a moment to spare. (Fortunately, I learned the other day that the ARC jazz choir did get sufficient enrollment and that it’s going well for Julie.)
I’ve also pored over the art class offerings every semester for about two years now. I’d love to take something like painting or ceramics to feed my soul and teach me something new—you know, exercise my brain in a new way. Still, I haven’t found the time to do that either. Maybe it’s because my work schedule is so changeable, with urgent projects cropping up pretty frequently. Perhaps it’s the ever-present feeling that I already take too much time away from Lucas for work. Perhaps it’s just a fear of trying something new or not being “good enough” at whatever it is. (We Type-A’s are pretty hard on ourselves.)
Some friends invited us to do a ballroom dance class with them through parks and rec. We can’t fit it in. Can’t get a weekly babysitter. Ian doesn’t have time.
A good friend teaches Nia dancing two nights a week. If I went to her evening class, not only would I learn some dance, I would also get to see her regularly and get some exercise. But I don’t go to that either.
If I were to join the SWS choir, I think I’d have a rehearsal one night a week, plus any performances. I love the idea of singing regularly again; it’s been … well, 16 years. My only taste of choir in that intervening time since high school was participating in the Balkan women’s choir that Chilipantz formed and directed for a Lenaia performance one year. That was so much fun! I like the notion that Lucas might someday see me participating in and pursuing art, since the arts are a major portion of the Waldorf curriculum that he’ll experience throughout the next 10 or more years. After all, we’re paying big bucks for arts education to be part of his life, inseparable from academics.
So yeah, maybe I’ll call about the choir. But the reality of what’s happening next February is dimming the likelihood that I’ll get to do anything like this in the next … 3 years. And that makes me kinda sad.
October 11, 2006 at 2:05 pm
How awesome that you are feeling inspired to create! Have you ever thought that you could fulfill your urges by trying a new craft from home? That way you can do it on “your” time and there won’t be any “deadlines” etc(and perhaps some of these things could even involve Lucas!)….I realize that sometimes its hard to keep up the motivation, but I usually go in waves of sewing,baking,painting or beading…and its the idea of “what I can do next” that usually makes me finish the current project I’m working on…aaaand, it inspires me and my best buddy to get together to teach one another what we’ve learned and can share in our particular craft:) (Living in Sac-town, you have Michaels craft store soooo close!I’m addicted to that place!I just buy books or use the internet to learn the “how-too’s”)
October 11, 2006 at 2:33 pm
It’s a great suggestion and this is going to sound like a bunch of excuses, but what my sanity needs most is to get OUT of the house more. I live here and work from home, so I don’t leave everyday like most people do. Thus, I crave people and new sights/sounds. Also, I’ve always been more of a performer than a maker of things.
Still, you’re right: I should pick up my knitting again (started learning last year). I aspire to hatmaking. Parnasus has offered to teach me a thing or two, so I should take her up on it … sometime. 🙂 Thanks for the support!
October 11, 2006 at 4:10 pm
I miss singing so much. It seems like since I’ve moved, I always seem to have an excuse not to try out when audition season rolls around (although last year’s broken jaw was a pretty solid reason not to be able to sing). You’re making me wish I was back there so we could join a group and sing together again.
At the very least you could maybe call to find out more about the choir — find out how much commitment it requires, tell them about the time off you’ll need. If that doesn’t work out, maybe there are other options out there that would only take up a couple hours per week. Voice or acting classes maybe? You give some pretty valid reasons why an artistic outlet is important for you. Maybe you can think of it as something that you need in your life rather than a luxury that you want but can’t justify.
I know, easier said than done. I do wish you luck in finding something that suits you.
October 11, 2006 at 4:59 pm
What about a weekly craft night. Since hosting one wouldn’t get you out of the house – what about convincing someone else to host? Chances are good anyone you know would also be happy to have Lucas come for the night – which means no babysitter and enough folks around interested in Lucas not to worry about having to watch him so closely.
This is out of the house, creative, and could easily involve the people you love and don’t see enough of.
October 20, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Honey, if you need more beauty in your life all you gotta do is look in the mirror. 😉