Dear Lucas
I’ve not been posting much because this letter has been clogging up the flow. I finally finished it. It was harder to write than I expected.
Sappy and nostalgic Birthday letter to Lucas lies behind the cut.
May 15, 2006
Dear Lucas,
It’s so hard to believe it, but you’re four years old now. You are so big and strong, and so independent! Life with you is exciting—you fill me with wonder and awe every day. Through your learning, I have learned about the world. Through your loving, I have learned to love more deeply and more completely than I ever thought possible. Your smile is like the sun breaking free of the clouds after a rainstorm. You light up my life like I never knew possible.
I hope that I will write many more Birthday Letters to you throughout your life. I think I’m writing the first one now because I was so wrapped up in your care when you were younger, I didn’t find the time to write you a letter. I always meant to do it.
You have changed so much in just the last few months. I try to write down some of what happens in our lives together, but so much happens every day, I can’t possibly capture it all. You are growing up so fast. Some days, we wake up and your daddy and I think, my goodness, Lucas has changed overnight, while he was sleeping! It seems as if during the night, your angel teaches you new things, or perhaps you figure them out all on your own in your dreams. And the next morning, like magic, you have new skills, new words and phrases, new brilliant ideas, or whole new ways of playing and seeing the world around you. And I love this about you. You fascinate me; you challenge me. Every day, we learn things together. Sometimes I teach you. Every day, you teach me.
I admire you, Lucas. You’re still small, but I can tell already what a marvelous person you are. I can tell that you are clever and strong-willed—these are very important traits to have. You are also sensitive and empathetic to others. You care about how people feel and you often do your very best to make them feel safe and happy. When I watch you taking care of your friends or your doll, I feel very proud of you. And I feel your dad and I are teaching you well. What a big and generous heart you have! I also admire how you bravely try new things, go new places, experiment, jump into projects, and make new friends. Your enthusiasm is inspiring. Your example makes me want to do new things that I’ve never done before, or try things that I stopped doing a long time ago.
Some days are tricky. Sometimes it’s hard for us to figure out what you need most. Sometimes what you need most is not what you want. I wish I could say that I was patient and loving 100% of the time. But I’m only human. Sometimes you get impatient with me, like when I don’t understand something you’re trying to explain to me, or when I accidentally help you too much, or when you’re trying to convince me that staying up late is a good idea and I say no. Believe me, it’s much easier to say yes to you than to say no. Your dad and I sometimes say no because we love you with all of our hearts.
We love you in so many ways: We love you by giving you good, healthy food; by paying attention to your words, and also to your body language; by encouraging you to make friends and to be a good one; by keeping you close to your family and surrounding you with a community of friends who know how special you are; by providing you a home that is happy and safe, full of interesting books and things to play with; by allowing you to move and explore and learn about the world; by trusting your choices, your likes and dislikes; by letting you sing, and dance, and get dirty; by being the best examples of loving partners we can be; by challenging ourselves to learn more, be better people—parents of whom you can be proud; by trying to solve every just-in-case problem before it happens; by educating your head, your heart, and your hands every day.
We love you.
Mama
