Holiday Ups and Downs
I’m on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster these days. Holiday parties are fun, but my reproductive state garners me lots of unwanted attention from strangers. I’ve managed to have mostly a good time at these events, but I’ve cried my eyes out each time, too. I don’t like strangers making comments about my body/shape/size and I don’t like strangers who take liberties and touch my belly before even asking. It makes me feel objectified and vulnerable. I can’t help but wonder why people’s social filters don’t kick in when they interact with me; it’s like all their normal filters vanish. Didn’t their mothers teach them manners? I swear to god, I’m going to ask next stranger who touches my belly without first getting my permission “Would you like to grab my tits, too? They’re also bigger because I’m pregnant.”
EDIT: One woman at a recent party touched me before she even told me her name. I was backed up against a kitchen counter and surrounded by biddies, so I couldn’t even move away from her advance. Then, after she touched me, she said “Do you mind?” I replied, “Yes, I do actually. I prefer it when people ask my permission first.” She looked abashed, hung around me for another moment or two to save face, and then split. I didn’t see her again for the rest of the night.
ANOTHER EDIT: For the record, I am complaining about the behavior of STRANGERS. My friends have been supportive, respectful, loving, and great during this pregnancy (and my first). Being touched with love, kindness, and compassion is tremendously healing and joyful to me. I’m not trying to prevent all people from touching me—just those I don’t know.
December 20, 2006 at 3:05 pm
I think it’s either that or belt ’em in the gob. Touching other people without asking permission is BAD. Call the idjits on it and to hell with being ‘nice’ about it.
December 20, 2006 at 4:16 pm
thats always been SO freaking strange to me that people would just straight up touch someones belly without asking first. dang, what the frick? it seems like something any logical person would just KNOW! sending you tons of love and good energy:)
December 20, 2006 at 4:35 pm
I just don’t understand that. You are NOT alone in your experiences. I have a few LJ friends who have had kids recently and they have ALL complained of the same sort of thing. Strangers just coming up and touching their bellies, as if that is okay. It’s not okay when you are not pregnant. Now, you have something precious there that you need to protect so, if anything, it is even MORE not okay. And the comments that people make… Yikes. Also, they suddenly feel that they should be able to make VERY personal inquiries into your private life, when you are preggers, yes? I just don’t get it. People are weird.
A quick sample from one of my friends:
Nothing to starting off your day with…
“when are you due?”
“October”
“wow are you sure there aren’t two babies in there?”
nice. I really hate people. I really do.
Yeah. People are dumb.
December 20, 2006 at 5:29 pm
I don’t think there’s any excuse for the behavior at all. But when I stand back and look, I think people are lunging at you out of wanting to touch that magic, be near that thing, validate their sense of things. What incredibly misplaced wonder! I’m so sorry sweetheart. And I hope I haven’t crossed any lines myself. I love you!
December 20, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Thanks, honey. I’m super sensitive right now. I can use the good vibes you’re sending.
xoxo
December 20, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Yeah, I had nearly the same experience a couple of weeks ago. It’s so disheartening when I think about how much farther I have to go. I mean, the insecure and scared part of me wonders, if people think I look like a house now, how am I gonna look in six or seven weeks when the baby is actually due?
December 20, 2006 at 6:41 pm
1. My friends always ask
2. My friend are nearly always allowed to touch me
Thanks for the love and understanding. Tina theorizes it’s because pregnant women are in a state of grace, and that people naturally want to touch that grace and reconnect with the divine. She further theorizes that each time a person (or numbskull) makes that connection with the miracle, then all children (or maybe she said all people) everywhere benefit. There’s a powerful healing that happens in that brush with the sacred.
I might actually feel more holy and divine (which I would love to feel) if I weren’t being insulted and pawed at all the time!
December 20, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Mars suggested that I respond by immediately sticking my finger up the groper’s nose. Then say, “Oh, excuse me. Should I have asked first?”
December 20, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Well, if you think about it, you can take “big as a house” literally. You ARE a house!! You’ve got a little person living inside there. Heehee. Seriously, though… you are a healthy, vibrant and vivascious woman. Your size is all part of the process and is not unhealthy or ugly. It’s pretty amazing when a physical change can occur so rapidly. And it is a good thing that people notice. If you were 7 months pregnant and nobody could tell, THAT would be a bad thing! And don’t worry about how big people think you look now, or when the baby is due. You are PREGNANT. Nobody looks at you and thinks, “Wow, what a fatty! She needs to lay off the doughnuts!” We see a beautiful woman who is going to bring a wonderful new person into the world.
Of course, that whole amazing, rapid, physical change that is so astounding to another person is also a huge, rapid change for you. It’s easy to see how hard it would be to adjust to a rapid body change like that. Just remember that you have been through this before and that you aren’t going to keep that tummy forever. And even if you have put on some extra weight that ISN’T the baby, with two kids to chase around, I’m sure you’ll be back in shape in no time!
December 20, 2006 at 7:22 pm
You’re a peach! Thanks, noodlboy, for the very kind words.
December 20, 2006 at 8:43 pm
Whew! I’m glad I haven’t crossed any boundaries anyway.
I have to agree with Tina. I think in our nutty modern world, pregnant women are a living, breathing, highly visible manifestation of an otherwise not-so-obvious divine. So much is explained, except for this. You (and your charming husband) are literally making something from nothing, and there a beautiful human will be.
I don’t know about healing, but I have to guess that people are just a moth to the flame. Badly behaved moths. Ugh.