Triumphs of imagination and ingenuity are worthy of celebration. Robots are cool, man!

I am very disciplined about keeping my dreams in check. I don’t allow myself much time to wish or ponder much other than my reality (which is really good—I promise I count my blessings often). Anyway, in part this habit is an effort to live in the present with my family and “be here now,” as they say. Maybe it’s also a survival mechanism. There isn’t a lot of point in fantasizing about my dream job or what white sand beach I’d like to be lying on when these fripperies aren’t in my cards right now. Honestly, I don’t spend a lot of time doing it.

So I didn’t think about Burning Man much before the start of this week. I watched with casual interest as people I know and love packed up their dusty belongings and trundled off to Black Rock City to be their truest selves for a week. On Monday, opening day of the festival, I imagined driving in to Greeters  and falling into that first welcome home hug, the blowing winds, the light so bright you must wear sunglasses. On Tuesday I realized Asher’s present age (2 years and 7 months) is actually just a few months older than Lucas’s age when he first went to the playa in 2004—our ill-fated Burn, when we stayed only 51 hours.  I looked at a photo of feverish baby Lucas at Burning Man, trying to have fun despite his racking pneumonia.

On Wednesday, I lost my mind. I had a bad day. My son and I argued and my feelings got hurt. I spent a ton of time driving around lost, listening to Raffi. I had a cranky, overtired baby on my hands. I missed my limited opportunity to work on important projects. In short, I went a little nutso, succumbing to stress and worry and letting stuff get to me. I spent an evening gnashing my teeth in a dear friend’s living room, enumerating all the things that feel out of control and frightening in my world, and crying over all the things I wish I could be doing.

I guess I had to say this painful stuff out loud. Sometimes I need to be heard, no matter how ugly my words sound to my own ears. My patient friend listened, offered me her enduring love, and suggested perhaps it’s OK that I don’t do it all.

It wasn’t until today, Thursday, that my friend and I both realized that I unwittingly followed my own tradition of completely freaking out on Wednesday of Burning Man week. (It’s not only my pattern though. Lots of people experience it, too). It’s the halfway point of the festival. It’s the day when I’m swept up in a whirlwind of intense emotion and physical stress, and all of my normal layers of protection peel off me like so much sunburned skin. A good, intense cry—some serious wailing into the wind— is usually needed on Wednesday. A catharsis of explosive proportions is almost always in order. The shrapnel is actually expected by friends and campmates, and they duck or provide emergency aid or ululate alongside me, as they are able.

I guess this catharsis is needed in real life, too. Sometimes I just have to screech so my own voice will drown out the harpies.

Physical play always results in giggles.

Wake up, don your superhero cape over your pajamas, and go outside to dig.

Dear Playgroup Friends,

I just wanted to write a note and say thank you for making our summer so much fun! I think our summer playgroup was terrific this year. I sincerely hope you all had a good time participating. It seemed to me that our boys loved having the play dates to look forward to, and I know Lucas was thrilled to visit his friends’ homes—you know, to check out how the other guy lives. 😉

To recap, our boys …

* went swimming many times

* played with race cars

* rode horses

* drove electric cars

* jumped on trampolines

* played with Legos

* visited a park

* played badminton

* had a birthday party

* rode scooters and bikes

* dug in the dirt

* and snacked on many delicious foods!

Getting together these seven times this summer has helped us feel connected and nurtured our friendships. Lucas is ready to dive into the school year and play some more! I got to spend time with some moms and dads I didn’t know all that well yet. I’m grateful to count you all friends.

I wish I had pictures to share, but alas, when I hosted playgroup in June I was so busy with the kids and fixing them food I forgot to get out my camera.

With love and thanks,

Sara

(and Lucas, Ian, and Asher)

It is now the end of Week 12 of summer vacation. Week 12. Twelve. Did you hear me? TWELVE.

One more week (and a long weekend) to go.

I think, all in all, I’m in better shape than I was this time last year. This time last year I was ready to throw myself under a bus. Seriously. It wasn’t pretty.

During this circle around the sun, we have had a good summer, a busy summer, and one with more balance. Together we have had

·         evening walks

·         feasts of summer fruits

·         barbecues

·         creek play

·         rambling in the woods

·         swimming in lakes, rivers, and backyard pools

·         a trip to San Francisco and Oakland

·         a zoo visit

·         museum visits

·         glorious day-long brunches with friends at home

I’ve had plenty work to keep me occupied; it keeps my brain from turning to mush and eases my career worries.

Lucas and Asher have been occupied more this summer, too. I adore my children and think they are brilliant and fascinating (see this blog for evidence), but I know that we all benefit from having experiences away from one another. I don’t claim to have achieved balance in parenting/work, but it is definitely a major goal. Something I continue to strive for.

Asher has made friends and looks forward to playing with his kids now at Ring-A-Rosies preschool. He has even made it through a handful of full days, when I didn’t pick him up until 4 p.m. due to serious deadlines, and he napped pretty well on a little mat like the other kids.

Lucas has had a bunch of wonderful experiences with summer day camps and other activities (like pottery and soccer). Some weren’t so great (mainly the Fair Oaks Recreation and Park District day camp due to the “Thriller” incident) and we probably won’t be trying those again. But others were awesome. He is hoping to do more of the Science Adventures camps and Aquatics camps next year. The Effie Yeaw nature camps, though only a half-day, are lots of fun and Lucas feels really comfortable there. Plus he gets to hike the trails in the American River Parkway. He has done some amazing art projects that I wouldn’t have even considered doing with him because they are outside my experience. I wish that the less expensive camps had worked out to be winners; naturally it was the more expensive camps that Lucas really took to.

Next week, there is no day care. I’ll have to beg, borrow, and steal moments in which to work, when others can run herd on my little darlings. Grandma? Grandma?

I just can’t help but feel, now that kids all over town are back in school, that perhaps 13 weeks off during the summer might be a little excessive. It is very intense living with a choleric 7-year-old and a 2-and-a-half-year-old toddler!

Especially if one is just the tiniest, wee bit choleric, oneself.

My son is so competent! It was a lot to ask of him, really: sending him to the CSUS Aquatics Camp for five full days, where he was in the youngest group, the Guppies. It was physically challenging and challenging emotionally to be with a group of kids he didn’t know, with an instructor he didn’t know, doing things he had never done before. But oh, did he rise to the occasion!

The first day the kids learned canoeing. The second day was sailing. The third, kayaking. And the fourth day they tried wind-surfing.

We biked—on the water!— and kayaked with Lucas, with Ian and I taking turns. I had hoped we could all go sailing on the tiny sailboats, with Lucas at the tiller, but unfortunately the timing didn’t work out and Asher wouldn’t tolerate the life vest.

While kayaking, Lucas said, “Mom, do you dare me to flip over? Do you double-dare me?” I had to dare, and double- and triple-dare—even “ten-dare” him to flip over (to flip over a perfectly good boat on purpose), while he savored the suspenseful moment. I had to bite my lip and trust that he knew what he was doing. He flipped the kayak over, then righted it, and climbed back aboard, without dropping his paddle. It was awesome.

Then Lucas demonstrated the “wiggle board,” which I guess is a wind-surf board without the sail. He stood and jumped and wiggled it all over, and eventually paddled it in to shore.

I flashed to a picture of him as a young man on a beach, hanging out with friends and catching waves. And there will be girls (or boys, whatever!) gazing at him, admiring his prowess in the water. And I’m still savoring that dreamy image. 

Despite lots of working for me (12 hours) and Lucas’s case of folliculitis caused by prolonged exposure in the lake last week, we managed to have some lovely moments this weekend.

* early-morning walk by myself

* clay play

* dinner out with Papa and Grandma S for her birthday

* yummy BLT sandwiches made by Ian

* watching Asher dance and sing, “I like my Mom and Dad”

* an evening walk through the neighborhood all together

* finding our first green and brown acorns of the season on the ground

* watching nimble Lucas leaping to and fro across the drainage ditch (and hoping he wouldn’t fall)

* a quick trip to the thrift store for school clothes for Lucas: four pairs of pants (including two lined pairs) and nine shirts (both short and long-sleeved, one sweater, and a hoodie) for $50

* a quick trip to the used book store to recirculate a bunch of old books and find new ones for the whole family: five novels for me and Ian, five or six books for the kids

* playing a new game Asher invented called “shopping,” in which an old computer keyboard became his cash register, and flat Lego pieces were dollars. He’s pretty great about making change.

* a tad of reading Torpedo Juice, by Tim Dorsey and Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

I’ve written a couple of times already about the pottery class that Lucas and I took this summer. It was great fun and I’m hoping to do another class, perhaps this fall. It was five evenings during which we both learned something new and got to spend some one-on-one time together.  Our relationship seems to have benefited from having this time away from Asher. Ian and I have resolved to find more such opportunities for Lucas to be with one parent; we’re fervently hoping that this might help improve his somewhat spiky and melancholy moods.

Here is a small selection of our clay creations.

Here is Lucas’s clown. He conceived and executed this all on his own with no help at all. I think it’s adorable.

Detail from my birdie bowl.

Lucas made a small turtle he called Squirtle (à la Pokémon.) His beehive makes me think of Winnie the Pooh.

My frog and my Lucas and Asher hearts.

Lucas carefully glazed this small ball sculpture with a rainbow of colors. (I think of it as a paperweight, but I don’t know if he would agree with that description.) Choosing its glazes took him a long time because he had to find the color from among about a hundred samples, remember its number, and then find the appropriate jar of glaze. The teacher asked us to take no more than two glazes to our workspace at a time, so Lucas had to return to the table with all the glazes repeatedly.

And that little sprite guy is my invention; I had a few extra moments at the end of one class and thought he might look funny hiding in a potted plant or something.

Lastly, we both made thrown pots on the potter’s wheel. Lucas wasn’t too keen on his, so it’s not pictured here. And I made a sign for our doorstep, which you might see sometime.

As I type this, it’s not even 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, and yet the kids are already in the kitchen playing with clay.

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday evening we packed up the lot of us and headed up the hill to Strawberry, where Mimi, Grandpa G’s charming girlfriend, has a lovely cabin. Ian would probably like it to be known it take a long, long time to pack the four of us to go anywhere, especially overnight. Still, the effort was well worth it.

Mimi is such a gracious hostess. She thinks of everything, and her mountain getaway is full of her love expressed in the tiniest of details. Antiques from her childhood summer home, a log cabin in Idaho, decorate her Forest Service cabin in Strawberry. Every object has a story. Every book on the shelf has been carefully selected to sit there, waiting for a curious visitor to page through it. Every dish in the kitchen has it’s special home and origin. Even the jam jar has a tiny silver spoon because if it didn’t, the homemade jam wouldn’t taste as good. It’s really quite astounding that Mimi has poured so much of herself into a place that is used only sometimes.

My boys had a blast digging in the dirt and exploring the woods. It really doesn’t take much to keep small boys happy—some sticks, rocks, or mud is all they really need.

(Lucas invented some kind of esoteric game with small stones. ) Add in some magical running water and it’s heaven on earth.

We spent part of Saturday day at a small lake where the Boy Scouts have a permanent camp. It’s called Cody Lake and it was lovely. We enjoyed listening to all the bells coming from the camp across the lake. A line of boys wearing funny hats hiked past our picnic spot beside the lake.

Lucas naturally dove into Lake Cody and swam, despite the chill. Daddy accompanied the little guy into the water, which was clearly exhilarating!

We dined on delicious food, as is usually the case whenever we’re with Mimi and GG. Organic produce from our CSA came up the hill with us, including some amazing tomatoes.

By far our favorite moments were spent chatting together, exploring Lucas’s “private” island, and splashing in the creek. Maggie the dog was good-natured and always patient, unless you happened to be a squirrel or a chipmunk, in which case all bets were off.

I happily finished the baby blanket I was knitting while on this trip. This year I didn’t need to bring any freelance work with me, so I just relaxed and enjoyed myself. It was so nice to be out of town and in the woods, listening to the breeze sigh through the pines.

There are more photos on my Photos page, so click over if you like wildflowers, woods, creeks, and kids.