Rant About Fuckers
Ya know what I hate? I hate fucking repairmen who come to my house to do a job and then act as if I’ve totally put them out. I hate repairmen who treat me like I’m an idiot because I’m home during the day. I hate repairmen who tell me the weather is bad–I can bloody well see that. “We might have to reschedule.” OK. You tell me asshole, do you work in the rain or not? If not, reschedule. If you do work in the rain, however, don’t treat me as if it’s my fucking fault it’s raining. Don’t charge me extra for having to go get more materials to fix it when you were told in detail what the problem is. Don’t lecture me about how I’m supposed to wash this or turn off that or get the yearly inspection plan yada yada. “If you buy our yearly inspection plan for $200 it won’t cost you $400 the next time some fucking random spider spins a goddam web in your heater.” Don’t look at me like I’m a bimbo because I don’t know how to maintain the intake or powercycle the router or blame me because some other asshole just like you installed a piece-of-shit version of the part that you’re now replacing. You’re here to do a job for fuck’s sake. Do it. Don’t lecture me. Don’t patronize me. Don’t tell me to go ask my husband. Don’t scorn me when I say, “I’ll ask my husband where it is.” And don’t, don’t even think about trying to sell me something after you’ve treated me like shit and been paid handsomely in the process! Fucker.
March 20, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Yeah! Fuck those guys!
(I pushed very hard and decisively on the keys while typing that, just to show I am with you.)
March 20, 2006 at 5:32 pm
And don’t forget, at the first sign that the repairman is going to act like that you can (and should) say “You’re patronizing me and I don’t allow that. Get the fuck out of my house.” If he’s not the owner/boss of the organization then call the office and say “The repair person you just sent to my house was insufferably rude and I had to ask him to leave. You can do the job for 1/2 price now, using a different person, or you can lose me as a customer forever…as well as my friends and relations.”
You are not obligated to put up with any shit. Actually my favorite line in these situations is “You work for ME. Don’t give me any more of your shit.” It generally has the desired effect.
March 20, 2006 at 11:16 pm
If you need me to not do anything so you can continue to assert yourself, just let me know. Power!
March 21, 2006 at 12:23 am
Oh my god. He is so fired. I hope you called his manager and told him what an amazing little f*ck he is and how you’ll never be using their services again and how none of your friends will either. Gah!
March 21, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Thanks everybody! I appreciate the sympathy.
The above rant describes an amalgamation of 3 cable guys, 2 spa-fixer guys, 3 AC/heater guys, and a dishwasher guy. No single encounter was 100% bad. Usually they mix their digs in with plenty of obsequiousness, but they always get their digs in.
“How many times has your connection gone down and back up in the last week?”
“I don’t know. Many. I’m not at my computer 100% of the time, and when it goes down, I don’t sit here waiting for it to come on again.”
“Well, it’s hard to know what’s really going on without reliable information.”
***
“Don’t you ever clean this out?”
“Clean what out?”
“This air intake. It’s supposed to be washed at least 4 times a year.”
“The last tech you guys sent out six months ago didn’t mention that.”
“Well, it’s in your owners’ manual. You have to take care of a machine like this.”
***
“You see, if we were on a service contract with you, then you would get same-day service, anytime you called.”
“How much does a service contract cost?”
“Well, we come out twice a year to make sure nothing is broken. The contract costs $200 per year.”
“Your other tech was here recently. Didn’t he check to make sure nothing is broken?”
“Yes, well…”
“So, I could pay you $200 per year to check for spiderwebs?”
“Right.”
***
“You know, you have a big hole in the ducting under your house.”
“I know, that’s why I called you.”
“That is a major waste of energy.”
“I know, that’s why I called you.”
“When did you find out about it.”
“The last time a tech was here. About a year ago.”
“Man, you’ve been wasting all that energy for a year.”
“Yeah, I suppose so. Are you going to fix it?”
“Yeah, but I don’t have all the stuff I need to do that today.”
“I told you I had a hole in the ducting under my house, and you didn’t bring the ducting you need to fix it?”
“Well, it’s a big hole.”
“When will you be back?”
“I don’t know, you’ll have to reschedule with the main office.”
***
“Oh yeah. Well, these models have a history of failing.”
“So, how come your last guy sold me one.”
“Well, I don’t know if this is really the thing that’s broken. It could be your router.”
“But you just said the modem has a history of doing exactly what I said it was doing.”
“Yeah, but we don’t really know if it’s the fault of the hardware. It could be your computer or your software. When was the last time you had it serviced?”
***
And yesterday, it was the spa guy, who complained about the weather. He wanted to reschedule, but I think his boss told him to do the work anyway. He lectured me for the fact that the spa was on. He lectured me for the fact that the bubble/crack was big. He charged me extra because he didn’t have enough epoxy with him and had to go get more. Then, when he left, he said, “You know, that patch I put in should be kept dry.” IT’S RAINING, ASSHOLE. If it was supposed to be kept dry, perhaps you should have said that at the beginning and rescheduled!
I said, “Maybe next time, you could come with enough epoxy to fix it and not charge your customer extra for your mistake.”
He said, “That’s the biggest bubble I’ve ever seen. That’s 4-5 times bigger than any other bubble.”
I said, “So what? That’s not the point.”
He said, “You know, we sell spa covers.”
I said, “Buh-bye.”
The only service guy I like is my bug man. He’s been providing that service to my parents’ house for 20+ years, and he’s been doing it for me for 3 years. He’s friendly and kind. He asks me if I’ve had any problems and he brings me little corporate calendars. But mainly, I like him because he doesn’t patronize me.