Torn
Today I feel kinda torn, pulled in multiple directions, except instead of there being external forces asking opposing things of me, it’s all internal.
I want to be here climbing the web, searching for new things to learn and see, alone in my little computer cocoon, or perhaps processing and uploading new photographs, or writing, or God-bless-us-all, reading a book in quiet without interruption.
I also want to be outside with my hands in the earth, planting flowers and seeds, or doing little projects with my kids.
Unfortunately, I am really unable to do the first thing as I have both boys home (one is sleeping), and unprepared to do the second, well, because projects take forethought, materials gathering, shopping trips, and other prep work.
I guess these are the two main forces of my personality. Each side vies for attention, the right to express herself, the right to exist. Some days I’m all Leave-Me-Alone Sarabella and other days I’m happier doing things with people. I have a million little things to do and my mind races with project ideas and business ideas and get-ahead-somehow ideas and self-improvement ideas. These are probably the first urges of springtime. Mostly, these days I change diapers and keep small people safe and warm.
March 4, 2008 at 4:39 pm
You keep big people safe and warm too.
March 4, 2008 at 4:55 pm
*heart* *heart* *heart*
March 4, 2008 at 5:02 pm
diagnosis:human.
I’m hugging you, hope that helps.
March 4, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Ditto what Amani said; I think this is pretty typical of humans in general. I struggle with the same thing myself. But I can tell you that from an outsider’s viewpoint, you’ve got your sh*t seriously together, no matter how you might struggle on the inside.
March 5, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I love you.
March 5, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Thanks, honey. It definitely does.
March 5, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Thanks, Tank. I think what’s most frustrating is when I can’t seem to find away to pursue any of my urges. I try to cultivate patience.