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They rate sunscreens (and tons of other products for safety):

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My evil second cousin (Susan, 64, daughter of dead-Dorothy) has removed $70K from Nana’s (94, great-aunt, not Susan’s mother) checking account. Susan put the money in a CD account with her and Nana’s name on it. Susan has power of attorney. My good uncle Michael (47?, not Nana’s son) is also on Nana’s checking account so that he can make sure nothing is done to Nana’s money behind her back. (Susan removed $40K from Nana’s account earlier this year.) Susan’s power of attorney has trumped that, as Michael is decidedly not on the CD account. Nana is being manipulated and robbed as far as I am concerned. Crap.

What do you do when a family member is an evil thieving bitch?

I recently had an email discussion with an author I’ve known and worked with for a number of years. He has, I think, four kids. I think he’s Mormon.

Me: “I know that you’re a history buff and obviously into video games. Do you ever worry about your kids being exposed to violent content at a young age? My son Lucas is 5 now and we have protected him from violent content as much as possible. He doesn’t watch TV at all, never has. We don’t play video games of any kind. He goes to private school with other likeminded families, etc. And despite it all, he has developed a fascination with weapons and war, armies, fighters, guns, warplanes, etc. Drives me crazy! Some people tell me it’s just his age and that he’ll soon move through the phase. I certainly want him to learn about history, but I would prefer that his exposure to the uglier parts of humanity happen later on, when he’s older and can handle it better. What’s your take on this stuff? Just wondering …”

Him: “That is a tough call. My kids play video games and my son, who is almost 8, has been doing it since he was 5. However, I try to be careful about the types of games he plays or watches me play. Though he plays some shooters, like Star Wars Battlefront, I don’t let him play games with blood or which are quite violent–blood and gore. He helped me take some of the parachute landing screens for Airborne, but I don’t let him stay in my office while I am shooting and stuff.

“In my office I have models of cannons, planes, tanks, and historical GI Joe figures. So my kids are exposed to military history and weapons. I have talked to them about war. My mother-in-law’s father was killed in WWII and she never even knew him since she was born after he had already gone overseas. I have his purple heart as well as a certificate signed by Pres. Truman recognizing his sacrifice. I have showed these to my kids and explained that war is sometimes necessary, but people get hurt and killed. I have also let my son watch some old war movies without all the blood and gore, but still with people dying so he understands that while the tanks and guns may be cool, they are dangerous.

“As for your son, boys seem to have an interest in weapons. I don’t know why, especially since he has not been exposed to it much. While not an expert, I would think explaining war to him might help. Therefore, he will understand the bigger picture rather than just guns are cool. You don’t have to be graphic or go into detail. But maybe give him some information that you can control rather than have him get it from somewhere else. (sounds like a sex talk).

“Take this advice for what it is worth. Sorry I did not respond sooner. I have really been thinking about it. My youngest son is 5 and he makes swords out of tinker toys and goes around like he is a pirate. My wife and I try to help him understand that swords can hurt people, even his play sword, and that hurting people is bad. So I work with him to build more peaceful things so he can make something other than a sword.

“Thanks for asking. It has given me cause to reflect.”

Me: “Thank you for the thoughtful reply. It’s a touchy subject for many people and I appreciate your honesty and sensitivity. I find I feel strongly that Lucas should know about this stuff and learn about it from reputable sources when he’s somewhat older. I think a 7-8-9-year-old is capable of handling the many contradictions that violence and humanity encompass: it’s good to fight for the safety of your family or your country, it’s not good to fight for the sake of gaining power over others or to harm people or to take others’ things.

“A friend suggested that comic-book heroes might be a gentle way to ease into topics like crime and criminals, violence, etc., and I think he may be right. I have no complaints with Superman or Spiderman, for example. Heroes who battle evil forces to save good people are cool! Trouble is, explaining WHY there are evil forces in the world is often difficult for me. Lucas complains of nightmares, as many children his age do.

“War is particularly touchy, given that our nation is currently engaged in one that some think is good and other think is unjust. I respect people who join the military out of a sense of duty, but dislike the many domestic situations in which economically disadvantaged people join the service because they have few other options. Ultimately, no matter how you slice it, armed conflict among professional, willing soldiers is still bad news for civilians, including children.

“We do talk with Lucas about war, armies, etc. I try to answer his questions matter-of-factly (controlling the info) and without too much emotion (you know how protesting too loudly often just shows children how to push your buttons–which may be a factor in my son’s interest). He knows intellectually that wars kill people, that guns and armored vehicles are designed to harm and kill. I doubt he has any sense of the finality of death, however. Perhaps that is best at this age.

“In Lucas’s Waldorf school they celebrate Michaelmas, which is essentially the story of George and the Dragon. The angel Michael empowers the boy with a sword of righteousness and teaches him he must fight only for good and against the darkness represented by the dragon, who brings despair and destruction. The children actually make their own wooden swords: they build, sand, and stain them. Only the older children in the Kindergarten are allowed to do this and it’s approached with great seriousness and reverence. (It sounds super-religious, but it’s not overtly so. The meanings are embedded in the story and the children absorb the lesson gently.) They recite versus about being honest, strong, brave and good.

“I guess in a way it’s just hard for a peacenik like me to see my son gravitate toward subjects I think he’s not yet ready for. Our society sure seems to push children to grow up quickly. And try as I might, I cannot protect him from all the things I would wish to. (And that, I suppose, is the most difficult part of parenting.)

“Anyway, thank you for the good conversation. I enjoyed working with you on PROJECT (it’s hypocritical of me to work in this industry and deplore the glorification of violence, eh?).”

I’ve hired a certain punk rock (she’d probably object to that description) teenager we all know and love to babysit Asher for a few hours on some weekdays. It’s working brilliantly. She holds and plays with the baby in the other room while I work. If he gets fussy or hungry, I reassure and feed him, and then go back to working. I don’t have to feel guilty about ignoring him while I’m concentrating on my projects, and I am not so far away as to worry about him. Asher has a good time with her in between his morning and noonish naps. (He seems to enjoy falling asleep in her arms.) This charming teen gets some spending dough. I think it’s win-win-win.

I’m really enjoying having her around because she’s cool. We haven’t had the chance to hang out together much over the last several years. Technically, we’re not “hanging out” now either, but it’s nice having this opportunity to see and talk with her a couple of times a week. I’m hopeful that she’ll keep coming over until she has to return to school in September.

I’ve been working with three fellow developmental editors on creating a medical terminology textbook for Big Publisher for the last couple of years. It’s been invented, developed, reinvented, and redeveloped more times that I can count.

The Publisher first had us aiming to compete with books A, B, and C. Then the Publisher decided it would be better if we went after the market share currenly held by books X, Y, and Z. Back to the drawing board, if you see what I mean.

First there were three coauthors (we three dev. eds.), then four: We brought in an expert instructor in the subject matter. She sucked. She couldn’t work her computer. It’s fucking MS Word, for chrissakes! She couldn’t keep an idea in her head for more than 20 minutes. We fired her.

Then we brought in another expert in the subject matter: a professor who teaches at a California State School and who has already published a book in this area. He is charming, efficient, intelligent, hard working, respectful, and a good collaborator. We love him. It’s a dreamy match.

The four of us have been working steadily since the middle of December 2006 on our latest development plan. In February of 07, the writing began in earnest. I was out of it for a couple of months because of Asher’s birth and my health crisis, but have since been working full steam on creating chapters. We actually had a completed first draft at the end of June. We have a book design.

We have been getting our chapters reviewed by teachers of this subject and incorporating their suggestions wherever they are valid changes. By the middle of August all the chapters will be revised and nearly ready for production—that’s where the chapters go to compositors for layout. So there is a seriously bright light at the end of the tunnel!

I have a contract in my hands that I have to sign and pass on to the next coauthor. I’ll be getting a tiny percentage of the royalties, which might just end up being a handsome chunk of change over the life of the edition. (Cross your fingers!) If it sells well, we’ll revise the text in three to four years. And, theoretically, royalty payments will continue to roll in. Some textbooks live for 20 years or more. Who knows if we’ll be that lucky? I’m just so excited to be able to report real, actual, hold-it-in-your-hand, hot-damn-it’s-a-manuscript progress!

Asher is now 6 months old! He’s changing so quickly! And he has loads of new skills. He is very smiley and quick to laugh aloud. He is very ticklish, and, as NoNo recently observed, it’s kinda hard NOT to tickle him, it’s so very rewarding when he giggles.

Asher’s first day sitting up was around July 7. He balanced pretty well one day when I was working at the magazine. He’s been practicing sitting for the last three weeks and now he’s pretty proficient at it. It gives him a whole new perspective on the world; he seems happiest when he sits up and looks around. It’s easier to keep track of his people that way. I think he feels more secure, even when we’re across the room from him because at least he can see us. He seems totally proud of himself too.

Potty stuff is still going well. When I am very busy either with work or housework, then I catch fewer pees in the potty. I wish I could say I’ve figured out exactly what his signal for needing to pee is. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to do the same behavior(s) every single time, especially during the day. There are so many variables. At night it’s a lot easier to tell because he goes from sleeping quietly to fussing, and tends to wake at about the same times each night.

For a while we were calling Asher Spittlebug; he would sit and make raspberries all the time until his whole mouth was frothy with spit foam. This was especially true when he was four months old. He’s been doing it much less for the last month or so, but when he does make a raspberry sound, it definitely looks deliberate.

Mom calls him Dimples because he has them everywhere. Lucas calls him Leonardo Chubby Cheeks. The cheeks part is obvious. Leonardo came about because Lucas has developed a fascination with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, much to my dismay. Ian’s particularly fond of the name Asher Dasher Toe-Catcher. This is because the minute the boy’s diaper is removed, his legs go up into the air and he grips his toes and pulls them to his mouth. It’s totally funny.

(His other favorite thing to do when his diaper is off is to repeatedly squeeze his penis. I won’t speculate what nickname that behavior might inspire.)

Asher is either blond or strawberry blond. In certain lights, his hair looks red. He’s grown into his cheeks a bit, so he has a more balanced appearance now. His skin is quite pale, and we’re being very careful not to expose him to too much sun. Still, something about it makes me think he will tan well, as long as his sun exposure is gradual. His skin doesn’t seem to be as sensitive as Lucas’s. We are careful to clean all his many creases and folds. If he poops in his diaper and sits in it for a short while (like if we’re out and I don’t realize he’s done it), his skin gets red and angry, but heals quickly.

We’ve given up using the little plastic baby bathtub and just take Asher into the shower with us (the same one he was born in). He’s a slippery little devil, though, so both Ian and I have to be there to hold and wash him. Or, I can sit him on the floor of the shower and wash him. He likes to splash in the water. As long as the shower doesn’t hit him in the face, he’s happy as can be there. Lucas often helps me bathe Asher, too. This is lots of fun, although Lucas has to be reminded repeatedly how loud his voice sounds in the echoey shower.

Asher is quite fond of all things he can grasp and mouth. Toys are particularly cool if they rattle, or crinkle, have bright colors. Some of his toys have small, flexible mirrors (plastic? Mylar?) and he enjoys looking at himself. He’s getting by beautifully with all of Lucas’s old baby toys.

He longs to eat and drink whatever I’m having. I give him sips of water from my cup and he thinks it’s totally weird and wonderful to drink water. He reaches especially urgently for any beverage I have. He watches each morsel I put in my mouth, too. I think he’s been ready to try food for about a month now, but I’m holding off a bit. Still, they say it’s good to start solids at around six months, so we’ll probably be tripping down that road soon. It’s pretty easy to make baby food, but nothing—NOTHING—is easier than breastfeeding exclusively. (Don’t listen to those formula makers. They’re full of shit. Making a bottle in the night sucks.) I’ve let Asher mouth a piece of cucumber and a piece of watermelon and he thought that was pretty neat. Still, his real first food will be boring old rice cereal.

He’s still taking four naps per day, most days, which is lovely. When he’s awake, Asher is usually cheerful, curious, talkative, and content. Honestly, he’s really quite easy that way.

My mother will be making Asher a quilt. Actually, she will be making two quilts because the one I asked for, the one I really want for him, is complicated and will take a while to make. So, she’s decided that she should whip out a simpler quilt for his use in the meantime. (Nevermind that it’s summertime in California and that Asher sleeps with us in our bed most of every night.) So recently mom and I bought a bunch of batik fabrics in all colors and she’ll be starting that soon.

I’m annoyed at the clothing options available for little boys. Nearly everything in the stores is sports-related. I refuse to make Asher into a jock before he’s even a year old. That leaves animal stuff, when you can find it: usually frogs, lizards, snakes, bears, dogs. Or vehicles. Girls have all the best colors and motiffs. Darn it!

Good News!

We received a check in the mail this past weekend. A whopper! It seems the insurance company paid a lot more of the charges for Asher’s birth than we expected they would. Such a pleasant surprise! In fact, it turns out they paid MOST of the charges, when we we told repeatedly they’d pay almost nothing. I was joking with a friend on Saturday about how Asher was a $10K baby (with The Birth Center charges and all my hospital bills). Now he’s only a $7K baby.

I had this groovy idea that Ian should take Lucas camping: Father and Son special time in the woods. Lucas is the perfect age for camping now. I didn’t want to go because I don’t want to take Asher tent camping yet–Too much trouble. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be great if they went with Heff and his kiddos? Two grown-ups. Kids would have great fun. Heff agreed and they started planning. They decided to go to Heff’s family’s cabin … 5 hours away, south of Yosemite. Then they decided to go for three nights/days.

Wait a minute. I was thinking along the lines of two nights. Eeek.

So, they’re out there, somewhere, now.

So, Asher and I are having a quiet long weekend. I was kinda nervous about having the baby all to myself for so long without any help from Ian, but it’s working out OK. Asher and I are sleeping better than usual together. I guess fewer people in the house means fewer times waking up in the night. Go figure. I’ve also spent time with my folks and two very, very charming lady friends. (Hi, friends!) I went shopping today, too.

It’s been lovely so far and we’re halfway through the weekend now, so I don’t think I’ll get too lonely before my guys return.

Has anyone ever stayed in Bodega Bay at a hotel? I love this area and want to take my family on a trip. My experience of staying on the coast is camping, however. I don’t wanna camp. I would love to hear about good, moderately priced hotels — ideally in the $120-150 per night range.

Thanks!

Don’t have much time. Work has flowed into my office and now I’m treading water like a m—–f–ker. It’s good. I like knowing there’s plenty to keep me busy and that money will flow my way soon, too.

I have a big ol’ Asher post brewing in my mind and no time to write it down. Must make it a priority v. soon, or I’ll forget what he was like at this stage. I’m trying valiantly to document my children’s childhood, both for their sakes and for mine. I want proof that I did all this. Otherwise it will disappear in a fog of sleep dep.

Our summer is progressing nicely. We have a huge list of fun things to do and we’re slowly making our way through it. Lucas seems busy and entertained. I’ve only turned on the TV one time on a weekday this whole summer!

I had that confrontation with my friend last week finally. I think it’s all gonna be OK. We talked for a long time. Went through the whole history of the issue, explored how each part made each of us feel. It was exhausting, but good, work. I haven’t had to work that hard to communicate in a friendship in a long time. I guess that’s cuz most of my good friends have now known me since I was practically a baby. I’m hopeful that it is survivable now. Before last week, I wasn’t sure that we’d make it through our first problem.