I’m Crazy

How come I can look in a mirror one day and think, “Cool. I look hot, all things considered,” then the next day I look in the mirror and hate myself for having gained weight? Why is it that my self-perceptions change, sometimes from one moment to the next? Why is it possible to enjoy my meals with gusto, happily indulge in dessert, and then wake at 2 a.m. wracked with guilt about those uncessary calories? It’s constant justification and then self-flagellation in my head. I tell myself that I don’t have to kill myself to loose the 13 pounds I want to lose: It’s been a big, eventful, baby-producing year for me, after all. Then I tell myself that I am not a worthy human being if I don’t discipline myself to eat less, exercise constantly, and look skinny, like a 20-something who hasn’t had kids. I should be back to my size 6 that I worked so hard to fit into after Lucas was about 2.

Kimkimkaree Made this for Me

Asher’s First Comic Strip

Adventures in Pee, AKA Urine Town Fair Oaks

Today may be the most successful potty day Asher’s ever had. Since 2 a.m. this morning he has had only one wet diaper. All the other times he’s peed in the potty. I think since around 9 p.m. last night, there have been only two wet diapers.

Lucas is doing well with “pee-free nights.” Since we started working on having him stay dry at night (and stopped using pull-ups) sometime in May, he’s had about 32 pee-free nights. We recently had a run of like 5 to 7 nights in a row with no wetting. He gets stickers for staying dry, and when he collects a predetermined number of stickers, he gets a new toy. He likes being successful and working toward a goal that gets him stuff.

It’s all about pee in this house these days.

Sick and Grumpy

That’s what I am today. Super grumpy, in fact. Lucas realized it was a good day to make himself scarce and actually asked if he could go to the babysitters’. Yes, wise son, you may. The midget and I are lying in bed. He’s pissed at me because I’m no fun today.

Nothing in the world makes me long to be childless more than being sick. So hard to give a damn about my kids’ needs when I feel like hell. I want my mommy.

Swimming Lesson Pics

Contraband pics, thanks to Annika’s mom. Yes, his goggles are on upside down.





Be Careful What You Wish For

A few days ago I didn’t have much work except for a long-term project and my regular magazine gig. I started beating the bushes. Now I have offers coming out my ears. The rest of this month looks to be very busy. I’m hoping I can manage it all with Asher by my side. Darn baby thinks he should get all of my attention!

Yikes! Happy Birthday, Flonkbob

So sorry I didn’t get in touch yesterday! Happy belated birthday.

What? You’re like 29 now right? Not sure, Flonk, but I think I am now the age you were when we first met. My mistake. Please forgive me. You aren’t old after all!

Hope you guys are doing well and making progress on Project Return to Good Places.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Flowers in Our Yard










Pinkeye Strikes Again

Yep, baby Asher has pinkeye. Lucas managed to infect both his grandmother and his brother. Asher’s medicine is an ointment that has to be squirted into his eyes four times a day. The tip of the ointment tube is totally long and pointy and Ian and I are terrified that we’re going to stab the baby in the eye trying to deliver the medicine. I wish the doctor had prescribed eye drops like Lucas had! Asher is rubbing his eyes a lot and they’re goopy.

He also seems to have picked up his first cold. But if so, it’s fairly mild. He has a slightly snotty nose and a hoarse little cough, but otherwise seems unperturbed. He’s still got a mellow demeanor, which is a big blessing.

In the World

Today I’m out in the world, working at my client’s office. Ian is home with Asher. It’s only the second day I’ve been apart from Asher to go to work (yesterday was the first). This is possible thanks to Ian having two days off this week at just the perfect time.

Today I’m able to work with gusto, to concentrate for more than 10 minutes at a time! It’s refreshing and enjoyable, but I admit to missing Asher and worrying a little—Not that Ian can’t handle it. He can. But because Asher is so young, he doesn’t know that I’ll be gone only a few hours. When he wants me and I’m not there, he becomes very, very sad.

I work away from home only three to five days per month. When I do, I take the baby with me. It’s ideal! Getting out of my home office once in a while c’est tres bon!

Today is especially nice. It’s quiet; I can hear myself think. I talk to grown-ups. I am wearing jewelery, which I usually can’t do with the baby. I can chat by the water cooler and participate in office birthday celebrations.

But at the end of the day, like now at 4:30 p.m., I’m missing my boys and looking forward to going home to see their smiling faces. T.G.I.F.

  • About Sara

    Thanks for visiting! I’m Sara, editor and writer, wife to Ian, and mother of two precious boys. I am living each day to the fullest and with as much grace, creativity, and patience as I can muster. This is where I write about living, loving, and engaging fully in family life and the world around me. I let my hair down here. I learn new skills here. I strive to be a better human being here. And I tell the truth.

    Our children attend Waldorf school and we are enriching our home and family life with plenty of Waldorf-inspired festivals, crafts, and stories.

    © 2003–2018 Please do not use my photographs or text without my permission.

    “Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” —Ursula K. LeGuinn

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