I just tried on a pair of beige maternity overalls that were given to me. Goddamn if I don’t look exactly like Humpty-Dumpty. Back in the box, foul garment of ridiculousness!

Today we shopped for a birthday present at the Waldorf Children’s Store. As I paid for my purchase, the woman ringing me up asked, “When are you due?”

I smiled and said, “February.”

“Oh my,” she said, as her face registered shock. “Well, the second can get really big really fast. This is your second?”

I was no longer smiling. “Yes, my second.”

“Or…” she paused and looked at me hopefully, “Are you having twins?” She whispered the word “twins.”

“No. I’m not having twins,” I replied, not looking at her. “And thank you for commenting on my size.” I turned away feeling shamed and embarrassed.

She squeeked but didn’t respond with any real words. Maybe I heard an “Oh … I …” Not sure. I walked away, and left the store even though Ian and Lucas were still inside. I think I managed to call to them as I started crying. Sobbing, actually.

People are so thoughtless and cruel. Why do complete strangers think it’s OK to comment on and judge my body. I am not community property!

On Tuesday, Ian and I went to a parent-teacher conference—the first of many, I’m sure. It sounds like Lucas is doing beautifully in the kindergarten; he’s well-liked by all the children, shows remarkable gusto and stamina for a child his age; and he really has fun there. There have only been a couple of days when he has said that he wants his Mommy, and when that happened, he was quickly consoled by the teachers.

They are impressed with Lucas’s fine-motor skills, as evidenced by his sewing beads onto his Indian crown and his drawings. They showed us a very detailed drawing he made of gnomes working underground. Some of them hold tools like saws and hammers, or maybe pickaxes. Lucas is able to play with both boys and girls, and really enjoys dressing up during free play time.

He is also paying very close attention during story time, the puppet shows, and plays. Each time he is given a role to play, he is happy and really captivated by it. He lives into the experience, they said. I know that he’s recently played the part of a baby bear, an Indian, and a gnome.

During outside playtime, Lucas likes to play in the sandbox—in fact, that was his primary occupation at the start of the year. Now that he’s made more friends, he is joining in with other children to play squirrels or puppies, or whatever.

The teachers are collecting his artwork (the pieces that don’t go into birthday books for children who have birthdays). They’ll give it all to us at the end of the year, I guess. He is painting again this year (at his last preschool, they didn’t paint with watercolors).

So, although we were all a little bit unsure how he would cope with such a big group, being so young, he’s doing great and they are delighted to have him there. I’m feeling so great about our decision to place him in Red Rose. Even though sometimes I freak out about the tuition, I can’t really think of anything else we’d rather spend our money on.

I had to fill out a questionnaire before the conference:

What are your most immediate concerns? Is Lucas thriving in Red Rose? He seems so happy! How do we best integrate a new baby into our family? We’re considering whether to have Lucas share a bedroom with his brother. They’ll be almost five years apart, which might be too big a span to share space…

What changes have you noticed over the past few months in your child’s development, behavior, and rhythms? Lucas has all but given up napping. But, we maintain a rest period every day. He’s very tired by 7 p.m. and he’s in bed most nights by 7:30 p.m. He has been singing more and playing in new ways. We’ve noticed more pretend play, more talk of magic and fairies and gnomes. A little more gun play too. 🙁 Generally, he’s easier now than he was four months ago.

Are there any changes in your home over the past few months, or anticipated, that could create new rhythms or stress for your child? We transitioned from a summertime schedule to a school schedule with a normal amount of bumps, I think. We are expecting a new baby in early February 2007, so we anticipate some rhythm and schedule upsets and some stress because of that. We don’t want Lucas to feel displaced. We’re glad he has school to help keep the rhythm.

What would you like to change? We would like less arguing! Lucas is very opinionated and would like to run the show. We work hard to keep boundaries clear.

What is a favorite focused activity of your child? Playing with trains (though less that he used to), drawing (tons of drawing), writing (he’s practicing his letters on his own), making “play sets” of various toys that come with elaborate scenarios.

What are his favorite foods? Least favorite foods? Does he like to snack? Macaroni and cheese, stir fry, yogurt, salmon, broccoli, pomegranates, soup, cold cereal, tofu, fruit (especially apples). Yes, Lucas likes to snack, but eats with gusto most of the time. He is great at trying new foods, and has a varied diet.

How easy/difficult is it to dress your child adequately for warmth and protection? It’s easy in that he only rarely has an opinion about clothing, so we choose for him. (Sometimes I worry that he’ll get too hot at school and not be able to take off layers by himself to be comfortable.) He’s great about wearing hats! Dressing in the morning can be challenging because he would rather play and doesn’t like to be hurried.

How is your child typically coming home from school? Is there a rhythm after school? The hour and a half after school is flexible. He is often happy to come home and play with his toys. Occasionally, we do errands or go on a walk or visit a park. At 2:00 or 2:30 he goes down for a “nap,” which is really more a rest period in his room. Two days a week, Lucas goes to a day care for aftercare. I’m not exactly sure what the rhythm there is, but I know he has a rest period there too.

How is dinner time (time, everyone there, hungry/picky)? It’s between 6:00 and 6:30 p.m. most nights. We all eat together. Lucas is a great eater who tries new foods and eats a balanced meal. He doesn’t refuse foods very often. We say a blessing before dinner. Lucas loves to help cook, so we involve him in food prep whenever possible.

How is the bedtime routine? Is it working for you? What time do you bid goodnight? How does he go to sleep? Is it through the night in his own bed? We’ve had the same routine for years. It goes: bath or shower (his choice), brushing teeth, pajamas, stories with Dad, candle prayer all together, songs and cuddles with Mom. He goes to sleep with me in the room most nights (Usually there is no arguing or stalling. With no nap, by bedtime, he’s really tired.) He sleeps alone in his own bed all night. He often wakes up once, sometimes twice. He comes to our bed early in the morning (6:00 a.m.) for cuddles, or else plays quietly in the living room until we wake up.

How is the morning rhythm? Is the child able to dress himself? Sleepy? Alert? What does your child eat for breakfast? Is he hungry for breakfast? Lucas is almost always up by 6:30 a.m. He’s usually alert and ready to play or is cuddly and lovey. He eats cold cereal or oatmeal and cheesy eggs for breakfast. Sometimes fruit too, but not often. Yes, he’s usually hungry right away. He does not yet dress himself. Sometimes dressing is a bit challenging (see above).

Does the child help regularly around the house? Is this working for you? Not as much as we would like! His chore is to feed the fish. Picking up toys is difficult. Sometimes Lucas mops or dusts. He likes to cook. I liked Mrs. Klocek’s idea of having an after-dinner clean-up time, but we don’t always have enough time. Saturdays we do household tasks together. Anytime Lucas can help his Dad with a project, he is very happy—especially if the project involves tools.

Happy birthday to a woman who inspires, who cares, who listens, who acts according to her conscience, and who isn’t afraid to walk into the dark. Dakini_Grl, you are a joy to know and a force for good in the universe. I am blessed to have your friendship. I love you.

Musturbation A term coined by Albert Ellis to refer to behavior that is absolutist and rigid; self-constructed, self-repeated, and self-learned “musts,” “oughts,” and “shoulds.”

(From a book on group therapy that I’m proofing.) I have a black belt in musturbation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy

Twenty-nine weeks, three days and counting. According to the book, baby now weighs 2.7 pounds and his “crown to rump” length is 10.4 inches. Total baby length is 16.7 inches. My total weight gain is supposed to be between 19 and 25 pounds by now. I think I’m on the low end of that range. Technically speaking, this baby is now viable and could survive (with medical help) if he were born now. So, that’s a nice thing to know.

All is well, as far as I can tell. I’m wondering, at what meal did I swallow a set of bongo drums and a batting cage? Somehow I don’t remember doing that, but judging by the thumping, bumping, bashing, and jiving going on in there, it must have happened. Basically, he only seldomly shuts up. I can now watch my bump bouncing around.

And yes, he does wake me up when he decides it’s time to boogy at 4 am.

Please Come to the 12th Annual (?) Christmas in Wilsonia Party

Who: You, our dearest friends, and your dearest friends

When: December 25, 2006 starting at 7:00 p.m.

Where: At our home; contact me if you need more detail than that

Why: This is our chance to see our chosen family, detox, unwind, and breathe easy after what is often a crazy run-up to a meaningful yet challenging time of year.

Please Bring: Your good cheer and/or exhausted selves. Preferred beverages. Gifts if you wish to exchange them with others at the party, however, gifts are not necessary.

Love,
The Wilsons

This morning I feel fairly mixed up and adrift. I have plenty to do, so that’s not the problem. I’m sitting here asking myself, what’s up with me today? Where am I going? Why? If you asked me right now, “How are you?” I’m not sure I could answer.

I feel a list coming on …

Good Things
* I have work
* I have nibbles on future work
* I’m healthy, Lucas is healthy, Ian is hopefully getting better
* My folks are vacationing in Mexico this week
* I saw some friends this weekend (FCL, GrlFury, Kelly, Holly, and Dakini and Thaemos very briefly)
* Ian finished two classes yesterday. He has one more National class before he gets an honest to god break—the first in … 8 months, I think.
* We get two days off this week. Well, Ian and Lucas will. I’ll probably work too.
* I don’t have to go to two Thanksgiving dinners. We bailed on RoRo and Nana. (The flip side is that I feel guilty about it.)
* We have Lucas’s first parent-teacher conference tomorrow morning, which should be both interesting and enlightening.
* I listened to a wonderful service yesterday about gratitude, miracles, and grace. I must endeavor to concentrate on this stuff some more and maybe the raincloud over my head will blow away.

Bad Things
* I’m exhausted; Ian’s exhausted; Lucas is in need of some serious family time.
* Ever-present money stress
* I don’t want to move out of my office (because of baby)
* Our schedules over the next 7-8 months don’t look like they will be any easier/healthier/saner
* Nothing to do but continue to slog through it

This is what I got, but I think it’s way off.

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What’s most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
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