My son is sick with lung and ear infections. (This is completely and totally unrelated to the vomit-mania that occurred last Friday. He started getting sick with a brand-new cold on Sunday the 6th.)

We spent 6 hours in the Emergency Room last night with Lucas coughing terribly and burning a 103-104 degree F fever. Now we are armed with antibiotics, fever-reducing suppositories (he gags and spits up any oral cough or fever-reducing medicine), and medication for his lungs to be administered by nebulizer. Needless to say, I have not been able to accomplish much editing on the 5 projects I am currently juggling.

Childcare is great (and essential) for freelancing/WAH/working parents, except when your child is sick. Caregivers don’t want a sick kid. And other children’s parents certainly don’t want Lucas’s germs. If I had a job and weren’t self-employed, I’d take a sick day (or three), stay home with Lucas, and not worry about my work not getting done. Someone else would put out fires and take care of things in my absence. But, being self-employed, the buck stops here. And it’s my ass if I miss a deadline.

Lucas is driving me crazy. I’m running away to join the circus as soon as Ian comes home tonight.

Lucas told me today that he doesn’t like me anymore. That I’m terrible. I’m a terrible mommy. Literally! I’m not kidding! “Mommy, you’re terrible. You’re a terrible mommy!” He says he only likes daddy now.

We had tons of nap drama today. He was in his room shouting, “I’m still, still awaa—aaa-ke!” over and over again. He climbed out of his crib (a feat never before accomplished) three times directly onto the 3-foot-high bookcase that sits beside it. He threw books. Knocked over the lamp. Three times I found him either sitting or standing on this bookshelf. (It is no longer standing next to the crib.)
I swear I’m about to feed him to wolves.
Well, things have calmed down a little since the horrible napless fiasco. He completely won that battle, and by saying mean things to me, even managed to make me cry. That was a big emotional bomb for us both, because the moment he knows that I am sad, he begins bawling and sobbing about how sorry he is and how he wants me to “be happy, mommy!”

The kid is sick, and tired. And I’m sick and tired of it. Great compassion, eh? I know, it’s my job to be the unending source of all love, affection, comfort, and confidence. But quite frankly, my confidence is a little shaken right now. I’m tired from being out at Kaiser until 12:30 am. My nerves are rather frayed, and I have to keep him home tomorrow too.

Today is a Mommy Lucas Day, since it’s Friday and there’s no preschool. We had big plans for today, including a morning trip to the gym and then a visit with Gordon and Kimberlee Dawn at Fair Oaks park. Lucas woke up feeling really cheerful, but at breakfast he hardly ate his favorite cereal, Honey Bunches of Oats, and complained his tummy was “rotten.” He asked me to kiss it. He was pretty whiny, so I was trying to jolly him along into his clothes, packing a snack so he wouldn’t get hungry at the park and getting into my workout clothes.

Lucas balked at putting on a pull-up and pants and very soon threw up twice on the kitchen floor. I guess his stomach really did feel rotten. He seemed to cheer up after some sips of water. We finished getting dressed and then went outside to watch the tractor/Scoop-type loader and the county truck pick up the huge stacks of junk in front of everyone’s houses for neighborhood cleanup day. When we came inside he said, “Mommy kiss me!” and threw up in the entryway.

It’s now 2:00 pm and he’s down for a nap. It’s been maybe three hours since his last vomit–six times so far today. Poor baby. We’ve both changed clothes three times. Once he managed to do it into the toilet. Two other times in his crib and my bed. I feel so bad for him when he gets ill. There’s really so little a mother can do. Except get barfed upon and clean everything up.

I hope he sleeps well and wakes up feeling better. At least his mood has been pretty cheerful, all things considered. The sun is shining outside and it’s a beautiful day. Maybe later he’ll be able to play in the back yard.

We went up to the Cabin in South Lake Tahoe with Anne and Mario. Lucas loved the snow! We walked in it, dug in it, tasted it, and rode a sled near the Cabin. It didn’t stick too well, so there weren’t many proper snowballs. Lucas really enjoyed licking and sucking on the icicles that form on the eaves and under the deck. We got some cute photos too. We went up to the Cabin once the year before last, when he was still a baby, but he doesn’t remember that. This was the fun introduction to snow that I had hoped for.

Well, the holidays are over, thank goodness. We’re hoping that things can get back to normal now. It really was a lovely Christmas season, even if my work was crazy busy the whole time and our shopping was entirely too condensed and frantic. Thanks to some money from Mueller Properties, we didn’t go too much into debt this year, though I haven’t done the whole tally yet. Honestly, I probably won’t ever do it.

Lucas is currently off with Grandma VoVo—hopefully asleep at her house. I should be proofreading a book about global human rights, instead of writing this. Today is Ian’s first day back to work after having a week off. It was wonderful having him home. Lucas is happiest when we’re both here. His relatively few behavior problems are much reduced when both of his parents are around to give him the attention and boundaries he needs. In fact, it’s possibly premature to say it, but it seems that we’ve come through some of the icky behavior problems that started in August and went into November. The worst ones were his rejection of and hitting and hostility toward his dad. His level of jealously seems lower and he’s seeming more secure and able to entertain himself. Probably all of this is just perfectly normal. But it was rather difficult to see my little angel boy turn into a tantruming toddler at 28 months old. Now he’s 32 months old, and he is more and more the little boy now.

Santa Claus was really wonderful to us this year. Lucas got something like 14 new train cars/engines for Christmas. He also got Duplos, Little People play sets and characters, tools, a tool belt with suspenders from Papa, a hand-knit sweater from Lisa, a train table from Santa, picture tiles, several books, a wooden tractor, from me and Ian, clothes from RoRo and Nana, Little Engine that Could board books, a Christmas Story anthology from Grandpa Glen, a Thomas the Tank Engine loader toy-thingy from Jonathan, and more and more and more. The Thomas trains and Little People are by far his favorites. He’s played with them exclusively since Christmas. Fortunately, most of our friends did not load us down with gifts for Lucas. I am planning to pack up several toys to send to Anne and Mario’s house, so that when we visit there, Lucas has some stuff to play with.

We observed Advent nearly every day. Chris and Kelly made Lucas a neat Advent calendar that was a wall-hanging with 24 little boxes. He got to open one box per day, and they contained little items and toys. We had a pretty Waldorf-style Advent calendar that slowly revealed a beautiful picture. And we lit Advent candles nearly every night. It was a lot of ritual! Lucas seemed to enjoy it all, especially when he got to carry a lit candle.

Tomorrow Lucas goes back to preschool after having had a two-week vacation. He sounds enthusiastic about going back, but we’ll see.

Lucas has his moments–moments when he’s not the adorable, charming, polite little train-obsessed cherub who everyone knows and loves.

Living with a two-and-a-half-year-old is probably a lot like living with Jekyll and Hyde (and I am quite certain I am not the first to comment on this phenomenon). One minute he’s laughing and tickling and saying “Mommy, you’re the sweetest girl I’ve ever known.” (I kid you not! He said these exact words to me on Tuesday, November 23, 2004. He was sitting in my lap and Lisa was there to witness it ‘cause it was her birthday. It instantly reduced me to tears of ecstasy.)

Anyway, like I was saying, one minute everything is happy discovery and joyful, secure childhood exuberance. Then the next minute is markedly raging, willful–and equally secure–terrible-twos tantruming. Some days are equal parts Jekyll, equal parts Hyde, flip-flopping back and forth.

Have I mentioned that he’s taken to undressing himself in the early morning? Apparently the Carters sleepers I bought for him recently when the weather turned cold lack the critical snapping flap that keeps the zipper pull hidden from little hands. Lately, Lucas wakes each morning at about 7 or 7:30 a.m. and proceeds to rid himself of unwanted sleepwear. Who knows? Maybe it’s too warm in his room in the morning after the heat has kicked on. Perhaps he’s disgusted with his soggy Pull Up and must get it off.

Today I went to get him after I heard an indistinct “Mommy, I’m murgl murfle-ing!” (I can’t always make out his words when I turn on the baby monitor–but wails come through loud and clear.) He is, as expected, naked, and fortunately this morning there is no puddle in the bed. I sat him on the potty, he peed, and requested a Little Blue Engine story. Shivering and naked, I suggested that we take the storybook into my bedroom for a little morning cuddle in the warm covers.

No. Wailing and whining ensued.

He doesn’t like to see his dad in the morning. And after Lucas has said a few hurtful things to Daddy, Daddy doesn’t much want to see Lucas either.

So picture a naked Lucas, holding his book and looking out the back slider onto the rainy backyard, wailing “I want my Mommy. Mommy, come to me.”

So, that was the day’s start. He was generally pretty unpleasant until I fed him–God forbid–raisin bran instead of Honey Bunches of Oats®, and a waffle, and apple slices, which he ignored.

Later he said for the first time as emerged from the shower, “I’m a little naked monkey! See my tail? See my ears?” and hopped around the bedroom looking adorable. I tied a little tail on him and he looked all the world like the real thing. “I’m a monkey that can talk!” All this before our guests were expected to arrive so that we could go out to breakfast.

When Danny and Kellie arrived, Lucas was peaches and cream. He warmed up to Dan in record time. (Danny reminded Lucas that he had given Lucas a book called Lucas the Lizard.) We went to breakfast and had a nice time bashing conservative republicans.

After our guests had gone home, it was time for nap. But Lucas didn’t want to nap. First he shouted and threw all his bedding and stuffed animals out of his bed and pulled books off the bookshelf and threw them to the ground. When I went in to investigate all the thumping, he told me that he had to use the potty. Which he did, successfully. Then, more shouting. Even more thumping. What was left to throw? When Ian went to check, he found Lucas naked in bed standing in a puddle of pee. Ian cleaned the bed and put him back down for a nap. Lucas continued to shout and holler, “Mommy come to me!” Eventually, we gave up on the napping and Ian went in to get him up. Lucas was naked again, standing in another puddle. Ian made him put the books away, which he cheerfully did while singing his plucky “Clean Up, Clean Up” song.

Near as I can tell, he was mad and peed his bed on purpose. Yikes. How do you combat that tactic?

Today was the first day of Advent. When I was a kid we used to observe Advent with the wreath and candles and daily prayers. Haven’t done it in many years. My last memory of doing the Advent observance with my family was in our old house on Rolling Green Way. (We moved from there to Winding Way when I was 13).

The Bennetts have always had an Advent observance because it’s part of the Waldorf education holidays. They hosted a gathering tonight. The kids made paper chains to help count down the days to Christmas. And then they told a story about Mother Mary looking for help in weaving the swaddling for the Christ baby she was expecting. Then they lit the first Advent candle. So, we sang a little song and had a little Hestia libation.

Tonight, we did our own (short) observance at home too. It will likely evolve a little as we practice.

“Uncle Jon’s Hat” (21 months in Hawaii. First three word phrase)
“Do you want to …?” (meaning, will you please?) ex. “Do you want to play with me?” “Do you want to hold me?”

“What you said?” (meaning what did you say?) 2-2.5 years old
“The point is … ”
“Maybe Santa Claus will bring me Anna and Clarabel for Christmas!” 2.5 years old, Nov 2004
“Lucas big tookas” (first mentioned Nov 19, 2004—haven’t heard it since, though.)
“Okie Dokie Artichoky Mommy/Daddy”

Nov/Dec 04 started using “excuse me” appropriately when interrupting or approaching an adult with a question.

Lucas likes “funny” words, and exclaims “That’s a funny word!” whenever he hears one. This began around his second birthday. Here are some of the funniest words:

1. codswallop (introduced by Grandma Sydney. Probably his favorite)
2. snagglepuss (introduced by Suzi)
3. fandango (introduced by a book and song around the same time–September 04)
4. bonzai (introduced by mom)
5. caterwaul (introduced by mom)
6. skedaddle
7. suspicious (introduced by Grandma Sydney)
8. balderdash (introduced by Grandma Sydney.
9. namby-pamby
10. willy-nilly
11. mishmash (introduced by mom)
12. flibbertygibbet (introduced by Grandma Sydney)
13. scuttle (Lucas came up with this one himself)
14. gaddywampus ? (introduced by Mario)
15. bamboozle
16. periwinkle
17. pumpernickel
18. froufrou
19. gesundeit
20. ridiculous
21. hilarious
22. persnikey
23. loquacious (introduced by VoVo on 1.3.05)

These are the songs that Lucas knew and sang at 23-months-old.
1. Pop Goes the Weasle
2. Frere Jacques
3. Old MacDonald (except he usually sings “Farmer Jed, he had a farm, eieio”
4. Itsy Bitsy Spider
5. London Bridge
6. It’s Great to Be an Engine
7. The Wheels on the Bus
8. Merrily We Roll Along (to the tune or Mary Had a Little Lamb)
9. She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain (& Harold the Helicopter variation)
10. Down By the Station
11. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Once I Caught a Fish Alive
12. I Love You (Barney)
13. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
14. Hi-Ho, Jim-along Josie
15. Five Sticky Buns in the Baker’s Shop
16. Minka Charming Minka
17. Derry Down
18. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
19. Hanging Out (theme song)
20. Happy Birthday
21. This Old Man
22. B-I-N-G-O
23. Pease Porridge Hot
24. Ride a Cock Horse
25. The Grand Old Duke of York
26. Bob the Builder song
27. Winnie the Pooh
28. The Farmer in the Dell
29. Brush-a, Brush-a, Brush-a (toothbrushing song)
30. Clean Up Everybody Everywhere (cleaning song)
31. I’ve Been Working on the Railroad
32. Blessings song (from Little Gate preschool)
33. Mary Had a Little Lamb

Lucas’s Words at 21-Months-Old (280+)
apple
baby
Baby Bop
Baby Lucas
back yard
backpack
ball
balloon
Barney
bath
beans
bear
bed
Big Bird
bird
black
blocks
blue
Bob
book
bottle
bottle
box
boy
broccoli
Broom
brown
brush
bubbles
bunny
butterfly
bye bye
can
candy
car
cat
CD
change
cheese
chicken
circle
climb
cold
color
cookie
corn
cow
crayons
cream
cup
cup
Daddy
dark
diaper
DiDi for David
dig
digger
Dingers
dip
dirt
Dizzy
dog
doll
dolphin
donkey
Donna
door
Dory
down
drill
drink
drive
duck
Dumbo
dump truck
dvd
eagle
eat
Eeyore
eggs
elephant
Elmo
Ernie
eye
feet
fire truck
fireman
fish
flower
fork
frog
giraffe
girl
glass
glasses
go
gorilla
grapes
gray
green
hammer
hanger
hard hat
hat
heart
help
hi
hippo
hold
Homestar
Honkers
hop
horse
hot
hot dog
house
hug
ice
juice
Kellie
Kimmie
knee
LaaLaa
Lacie
ladder
light
lion
Lion King
Lisa
Lofty
loud
love you
Mama
Marzipan
milk
mixer
monkey
more
mouse
Muck
Nana for bananas
Nemo
night-night
no
nose
ocean
octopus
off
oh boy!
on
open
orange
orange (fruit)
Oscar
outside
oval
Owl/owl
Papa
paper
park
parrot
pear
peas
pen
penguin
penis
phone
Pig
pink
please
pluggie
Po
pop
Pumba
puppy
purple
push
raining
rake
red
rhino
rice
RoRo
sand
Sandy
Scoop
sea turtle
sheep
shirt
shoes
shovel
shower
Simba
Sit
sit down
slide
snack
snow
sock
song
spoon
Spud
square
stack
star
sun
Suzi
swing
swing
Syd
tape
Tasha
teeth
thank you
tiger
Tigger
Timon
tofu
too
toolbelt
tools
tortilla
towel
tractor
train
Travis
triangle
truck
tunnel
uh-oh
Uncle Jon
Up
up
VoVo
walk
wallet
wash
watch
water
water buffalo
Wendy
Whinney Pooh
white
wipey
wolf
wrench
yeah
yellow
yes
zebra

Phrases
apple juice
baby’s hat
big hug
love you, Daddy
mommy’s book
more cookie
orange peel
pink slide
Uncle Jon’s hat
up, please
yellow cup
… and many more

Spoken Words
1. Mama
2. Dada
3. Papa
4. RoRo
5. Nana for bananas
6. Sit
7. Syd
8. Va for VoVo
9. DiDi for David
10. Down
11. Up
12. Tape
13. Broom (sounds like moom)
14. LaaLaa for Teletubbies
15. wallet
16. plug
17. pen
18. knee
19. hat
20. hot
21. change
22. ball
23. Bop for Baby Bop on Barney
24. rake (17.5 months)
25. hi
26. car
27. can
28. uh-oh

Meaningful Sounds
1. he barks for dog
2. siren sound for all trucks
3. Moo for cow
4. sniffs for pig

Signs
1. milk
2. more
3. all done
4. eat
5. apple
6. grapes
7. cow
8. bunny
9. cat
10. dog
11. car
12. medicine
13. hurt/pain
14. nap/bed
15. work
16. baby
17. music
18. TV/video
19. cookie
20. bath/shower
21. water
22. lion
23. horse
24. bird/chicken
25. change (diaper)
26. potty/toilet
27. gorilla
28. fish
29. moon
30. book
31. cold/ice
32. up
33. down
34. flower
35. head
36. help
37. hot
38. please
39. shoes
40. thank you
41. wait