Thanks for the Memories

Thank you to all who attended our Christmas party. We love seeing our friends on Christmas night. Thanks to all who provided food and/or drink (KimKim, Bennetts, Shermalis, and more). Thanks to Lizzy and Jeff, who arrived most punctually and helped us scramble to clean the place of wrapping debris and dust. Others helped too–thank you.

Thanks for making our home the final stop in your holiday festivities. Thank you for the gifts and the warm wishes and for the excellent company. We are so blessed to have friends like you.

Some Moments Truly Are Sublime

Now that the holiday is here, I just want to snuggle down with Ian and Lucas and forget about everything else for a while.


Lucas didn’t nap today. When I have a lot of work on my plate, this really stresses me out. The silver lining of no-nap days is that he sometimes falls asleep in my arms while I sing to him before bed. When the wiggling and the arguing and the attitude cease–when he drifts off while we rock–a great rush of love flows through me. I feel the stillness of the day. I feel a stillness in my heart. I soak in this feeling. It heals me. I greedily rock him extra long before laying him gently in his bed for the night.

Happy Solstice! Advent and Other Spiritual Musings

Last year, I managed to throw together a tiny Solstice celebration. At the last minute, I invited Theresa and Greg and Phoebe over for dinner. I decorated the table with a gold lamé and served only yellow foods (butternut squash soup, oranges, summer squashes cut into disks and sautéed, chicken with a lemon sauce, sparkling cider, and probably other stuff I don’t remember). We had a lovely, silly time, subtly worshipping the sun and its return.

Today I don’t have any such thing planned, but maybe I’ll go to the grocery store for some oranges or something.

Over the course of this month, we’ve been observing Advent, à la Waldorf schools and Anthroposophists rather than Catholics/Christians. The difference is slight, however. We have an Advent Wreath (a real evergreen wreath) and in the center we placed a Celtic-style candleholder that was a gift from Flonkbob (and Chilipantz?) many years ago. Although the candleholder is not a ring, per se, it features three outer candles with a place for one elevated candle in the center. It’s beautiful and works nicely as the symbolic equivalent of the four weeks leading up to Solstice/Christmas, with the fourth being the prominent one signifying the birth of the Sun/Christ. (The Advent wreath we had when I was growing up was a ring, but in the Catholic tradition, we used 3 purple candles and 1 pink candle signifying the climax. Pink/purple are the traditional colors of Advent in the church.) This year, I’ve stuffed it with golden beeswax candles made by lovely dakini_grl.

Each night, we’ve been reciting the following poem, which I believe is traditional for the Anthroposophists:

The first light of Advent,
It is the light of Stones,
Stones that live in crystals, seashells,
And our bones.

The second light of Advent
It is the light of plants,
Plants that reach up to the sun,
And in the breezes dance.

The third light of Advent,
It is the light of Beasts,
The light of hope that we may see
In greatest and in least

The fourth light of Advent,
It is the light of man,
The light of love, the light of thought,
To give and understand.

I like this verse because it’s earth- and human-centered. It’s pagan-sounding to me. But that pagan stuff isn’t quite so important to me as it used to be. I’ve become like Joseph Campbell in my old age. I’ve been meditating on the meaning of Christmas to me and how well I see the lines that connect this holiday with other, older holidays. My need to step apart and define myself as a pagan, as something entirely other than a Christian, is much diminished. I’m finding that this is making me really happy, and is allowing me to enjoy all the religiosity of the season more. Somehow there’s less of a reason to be uptight.

ASIDE:
At one point last year sometime, Ian’s mother expressed concern that Lucas must be educated about the Christian faith so that he can live in our God-fearing, Christian society.  I hardly fear that Lucas will somehow escape learning a basic knowledge of Christianity, just because we don’t define ourselves as Christians. She worried because we were attending the Unitarian Universalist Society services: “Do they even talk about Christ?!”

Anyway, we have been singing the Advent song that mentions the Christ child along with our candle-lighting ritual. Lucas’s face always lights up when we sing “Then comes the Christ child at the door.” I think that he is really captivated by the image of a child being the inspiration of the season.

The other morning, all by myself, I sat down on the couch in my living room with some Christmas carol sheet music and sang my wondering Christian heart out.

Confessions of a Manic Mom: Guilt

Ah, the holidays are here. Joy and good cheer, friendship, love, and peace have permeated the world. Well parts of it, anyway: The UPS delivery guys are always very cheerful and kind. They wish me Happy Holidays nearly every day.

My darling son, however,

is a trial and doesn’t seem to give a damn about the concept of Santa watching for good and bad behavior. Lucas has exactly ONE CHORE, one responsibility in his life: He must put his shoes in his shoe basket in his room.

Last night we went round and round about it. It progressed to a time out, escape from time out, and eventually culminated in my issuing a scream — a ROAR — that came from deep within me (possibly from somewhere in the vicinity of my toes), and Lucas’s banishment back to time out. Lucas cried because my roar scared him and I immediately felt guilty.

Guilt is a big motivator in my life. I feel guilty for all kinds of things, and yet, I am a relatively good person. It’s easy to say I experience this because I was raised Catholic. But the truth is, I don’t remember religious guilt even being a big factor in my religious upbringing. Probably this is something I picked up from my mom. She feels guilt for all sorts of things, too. Maybe it comes with being a mom.

Last night I scared the bejesus out of my kid … all because of some shoes on the floor. Ugh.

Tarot Quiz

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that’s actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can’t understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Girls Only: Cup Sizes

Is it actually possible for one’s breasts to be one cup size most of the month, but another (bigger) cup size during the week before one’s period? I’ve slowly noticed over the last year that my breasts get extremely sore and swollen before my period. (It takes me a long time to observe stuff about my body, especially when there’s a whole month in which to forget in between occurrences!) I don’t think this was always the case: I think having a kid and breastfeeding has fundamentally changed my breasts, not just their appearance.

Snow and Rain in Tahoe

Last night we returned from a lovely short trip to South Lake Tahoe with Frostee and her handsome beau, Master Tate. It snowed quite a lot on Saturday and then sometime in the night, the temperature warmed up enough to change the snow to rain. When we arrived, there were lots of big bare patches of ground sporting pretty beige autumn leaves. When we left, six to eight inches of slushy wet snow covered everything.

The 30-hour weekend was just about perfect. We played in the snow, beaned each other with sloppy snowballs, made Splenda cookies, played Apples to Apples and Life, and ate yummy carbs. We chatted late into the wee hours of Sunday morning. I slept in while my lovely man got up with my early rising son. We spent time together: something we haven’t done with these good friends in a long, long, too-long time.

Even the slow drive home over the summit and down the mountain wasn’t a disappointment. Lucas slept, thankfully, ’til we reached Placerville. A stop for pizza there rounded out the trip. Thanks for dinner, darlings!

On Friday evening and Saturday morning, before we embarked, I was feeling a little frazzled and doubting the wisdom of using the last precious weekend before Christmas to go out of town. There’s so much still to do to get ready for the holiday! But you know? It reminded me that the holiday isn’t about getting everything done. It’s about enjoying time with people you love.

So, Frostee and Master Tate, dearest husband, and Lucas: Thank you. And Merry Christmas.

11th Annual Christmas Party Is Happening Dec. 25

Is it the eleventh? I don’t know; I’ve lost track. Anyway, please feel free to join us here at Chez Wilson on the evening of December 25, anytime after 7 pm.

Good friends + good family = The Good Life

That’s exactly what we have and this is our chance to get you all together. So please come visit, detox, and let your hair down. Escape from the holiday insanity and stress. Kick off your shoes, hug your neighbor, and toast to the happy and hard times of 2005. Know someone cool with no place to go? Bring him or her along.

Much love and light,
Sara, Ian, and Lucas

Groove is in the heart

Confessions of a Manic Mom: 3-and-a-Half-Year-Old Blues

Inside-my-head stuff follows.
Sometimes my kid makes me nuts. Have I mentioned this before? Have I also admitted already that sometimes I don’t like him? I mean–I love him; he is the most spectacularly spectacular person ever to arrive on this good green earth, IMHO of course. But man! Lately we butt heads all the fucking time

Other people’s kids have taught my son lots of annoying new tricks, words, turns of phrase. I’ll mention just a couple here:

“Guess what? Chicken butt!”
“Guess why? Chicken eye!”

This type of thing, I can handle. And it doesn’t surprise me because he’s always thought weird words and rhymes were hilarious. The following statements, however, are harder to handle:

“I hate my dad.”
“Shooting is good; it’s fun.”
“I can push you down, mom. I can! I can hurt you.”
“I’m going to stab you in the eye until you bleed and then you’ll be deaded.”

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

Except they can and they do. And lately, they hurt me all the time. The behaviorists say put this on “extinction.” Ignore the behavior and it will go away. I have successfully made this work on Lucas. He gets really loud for a while and it’s impossibly awful, but then he stops.

I feel obligated to teach him that such words are hurtful, and yet, I don’t want to infuse too much power into them by making a big deal about it. We are currently having a lot of discussions about using only gentle hands and gentle words with our friends, and that we must must always be respectful of others; using ugly words is disrespectful.

My fuse is really short these days. I’m very quick to get angry with him. I don’t like it. I feel like a crappy mom because of it. Where did my sweet baby go?

Saturday Stuff

Busy day today. Lucas has dance class and the Advent Spiral celebration to go to today. After that, we’re taking him to Kimberlee’s house where he’ll stay with her and Gordon while we go to TAC’s Christmas party downtown.

What follows is rather mundane.

So, I sent Lucas off with Dad to go to dance class a couple of hours ago. He seems to enjoy himself more at dance when I’m not there. I think it’s some kind of performance anxiety or something. Last week I sat and proofed while he and the girls danced with Miss Bethany. He was suddenly super clingy and stopped participating about half-way through the class. Something about doing the caterpillar-to-butterfly dance freaks him right out.

I kind of expected the boys to be home by now. I have busied myself while they’ve been gone by doing a bunch of stuff that is just plain easier to do when no one else is around: I showered and shaved my legs (for tonight’s little black dress), I swept the floors, I picked up toys and reorganized Lucas’s room a little (in anticipation of the Great Christmas Tsunami of More Toys), I wrapped some Christmas presents (scissors, tape, and sharpie pens laying around on the floor while I wrap are just too good for a 3-year-old to ignore!), and posted in my livejournal. Now it’s 1:15 and I’m hoping that they’re bringing me back some lunch, or else that they’re out buying me cool presents for Xmas.

A couple of days ago, I culled Lucas’s bookshelf of “baby books”—board books, simplistic things-that-are-in-baby’s-world books, chewable cloth books, etc. I had no idea how many books that might be, but then look who his parents are. There’s now an entire, rather large gift bag full of books that will be placed out in the garage on the mountain of baby stuff that’s already threatening to evict everything else. Since I’m pretty sure we’re going to have another baby someday, we’re keeping loads of this crap: clothes, carriers, high chairs, bouncy seats, toys, blankies, mobiles, and assorted baby equipment.

My superstitious personality says that if I keep all this boy stuff, I’m sure to have a girl next time (you know, when I actually get up my courage to do all this again). I wonder if there’s also some kind of birth-control magic at work too. If I have all the baby stuff I might need, maybe I won’t ever get pregnant. Hmmm.

And no, I’m not.

  • About Sara

    Thanks for visiting! I’m Sara, editor and writer, wife to Ian, and mother of two precious boys. I am living each day to the fullest and with as much grace, creativity, and patience as I can muster. This is where I write about living, loving, and engaging fully in family life and the world around me. I let my hair down here. I learn new skills here. I strive to be a better human being here. And I tell the truth.

    Our children attend Waldorf school and we are enriching our home and family life with plenty of Waldorf-inspired festivals, crafts, and stories.

    © 2003–2018 Please do not use my photographs or text without my permission.

    “Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” —Ursula K. LeGuinn

  • Buy Our Festivals E-Books







  • Archives

  • Tags

  • Categories

  •  

  • Meta