Dear Internet Friends,

It’s been a while since I told you this: I love you.

There are days when your voices are what gets me through. Reading about your joys, your struggles, your victories, your setbacks, and all the poetic and grimy minutiae of your lives means the world to me. It makes me feel connected despite the distance and time. It makes me feel loved and supported when you speak to me, comment, write, and confide in me. It makes me feel wanted and held, even when I’m feeling lonely and unlovable and trapped. There are days when I eagerly check for your updates over and over again. There are days when I shout at my computer, "Where is everybody!?"   

So if you ever wonder if you are being heard, if you ever think no one is listening, remember: I am.

Hugs and kisses,
S

Trying not to freak out. There is so much on my plate right now I’m dreaming projects, tasks, checklists, and deadlines. Having this much work is great! Except that Asher is sick again. He has a pretty high fever that goes down when we dose him with ibuprofen, but returns every 5 to 6 hours. This has been the case since Saturday, when we dragged him off to the beach at Pt. Reyes anyway. He had a sucky day there, which honestly surprised me. I thought he would rally and enjoy the sand and sea. We even brought shovels—what more in life could a toddler ask for? He didn’t rally. He spend the whole time either on my lap or snoozing on the blanket covered with a towel to keep the sun off. Not at all like him to avoid interacting with people and his environment.  It was one of those parental trade-offs: It was crucial for me to see people and participate in Delphinia. Yesterday Ian was around to take care of him; his vacation is now over and he and Lucas both split for work and school, respectively. Probably, when I reluctantly admit that he has been sick, grandma will refuse to take him tomorrow morning.

It is suddenly hot. Well, not really hot by my standards. But today is April 20 and we’re expecting highs in the mid-90s today. We’ll call it a precipitous heat wave. I sent Lucas off to school today in shorts and a T-shirt. He is both glad to be going back to school to play with his friends, and annoyed that his 16-day vacation has ended. He loves vacations when he can completely monopolize his dad’s attention for days on end.

Speaking of which, Ian and Lucas have been doing a lot of work to prepare for the coming birthday party. The robot sculpture is done and it’s fabulous! I’ll post pics soon. It’s the Platonic Ideal of a friendly robot, I kid you not. I think Lucas gave him a name, but I don’t remember it at the moment. Yesterday they spent some time creating a party game. It’s a comet toss, with a solar system target hand-painted on black felt. The comets are covered with velcro, so they will stick to the target, which is covered with 9 felt planets and their circular paths around a felt sun. In typical fashion, Lucas would not be deterred from putting all 9 planets on, nor would he be talked out of adding the astrological symbol for each planet. The boy has an eye for detail. It really is beautiful. Next, we will work on assembling the goodie bags for the boys who attend the party. This involves yet another craft. My books all say that holidays and special occasions are really best enjoyed when kids get to participate in lots of preparation, thus extending the experience and building their engagement with it. Lucas is certainly getting that with the birthday stuff this year. I have to find a moment to swing by NoNo’s and borrow her cake decorating stuff so I can practice with the frosting. The invitations were made and sent out the day before Easter. 

No time for more.

[This is a brief intermission between chapter 12 of one book and chapter 5f of another book.]

The stuff from Oriental Trading Company arrived yesterday. I hate MOST of the stuff this company sells, but they have a wide selection of party supplies that come in handy about once a year.

Party items received for Aliens & Robots: Defenders of the Universe:

* spaceship paper plates, napkins, and cups
* alien cake napkins
* spaceship pinata
* alien head glasslamp beads, to be made into necklaces or bracelets for guests’ goodie bags
* alien mask-making kit for party craft
* space stickers for goodie bags
* alien tattoos for goodie bags
* alien head suckers for goodie bags
* alien toys for goodie bags

It’s harder to find robot stuff that isn’t licensed movie crap. Pixar’s* WALL-E and the older Robots movie items are still around online. But as we’re inviting a bunch of Waldorf kids, we don’t want to supply them with movie stuff. It’s good that we’re making our own robot. Ian and the boys have been working on it and it looks WONDERFUL. (I’ll take pictures soon!) We’re also including a bunch of robot coloring pages in the goodie bags.

* I should say that I recently watched WALL-E and really liked it. But Lucas watched it and hated it. It was too sad and scary when WALL-E got broken. So, we are steadfastly pretending that WALL-E doesn’t exist because who wants to be sad at a birthday party?

I should start by saying he’s OK. So am I. I promised him I wouldn’t tell his grandparents about this, so you can’t either.

We went for an evening walk after dinner. We had a nice time tromping through the neighborhood. Lucas occasionally sprinted ahead a short distance; Asher manfully followed after him. Ian and I lagged behind a bit, enjoying our first chance to talk to each other since about 8 this morning. We said hi to people and dogs out walking. We meandered through the neighborhood school.

When we were heading home and on the school grounds, it was dusk, that time of day when it’s hard to see. We looked up and realized Lucas wasn’t with us. I thought he had ducked behind a tree, or maybe the big trash dumpsters. Maybe the backstop for the baseball diamond. We called out. No answer. I thought he was going to jump out to surprise us, try to scare us. We looked in those places. No Lucas.

Ian walked ahead. I stayed with Asher. By this point, I was calling, shouting loudly. “Lucas, this isn’t funny. I’m getting angry! Come out NOW!” No answer. Asher shouted Lucas’s name over and over with all his might. It was just a few minutes from dark. We walked back toward home.

I didn’t exactly panic. I didn’t run in circles or shriek or tear my hair. I did feel my blood boil, however. I also began cataloging sights and sounds around me. I searched my memory: Did any windowless white vans drive by us? What is he wearing?

I thought, he must have gone ahead. What the hell?!

Ian found Lucas at home. Read him the riot act. When I turned onto our street, Lucas was walking quickly toward me, arms outstretched, and crying. He knew he was in trouble. I managed not to raise my voice. I hugged him to me and told him he must never, never, never do that again. That he scared me. That it is never OK to run off without permission. That it was dark and I couldn’t find him. I clutched him tightly while he cried.

He is embarrassed. He knows he messed up big-time. He said he just wanted to go home and go to bed, but I think he said that because he thought it would make it all OK. I think he really just lost himself in the moment, in the feeling of running, of being fast.  

We’re deep into Spring Break now. Lucas and Asher have had last week and this week off school and daycare. I am in the midst of my busiest weeks of this year, so this isn’t an ideal situation. I was more than a little freaked out heading into the break, but I’ve since relaxed and honestly things are going fine. The grandmothers helped me out a lot last week, Lucas had a play date one afternoon, and I arranged for Lucas to have some fun things to do.

I enrolled Lucas into Effie Yeaw Nature Center’s Nature Detectives morning camp. He enjoys these a lot. One morning he studied the water and rock cycles, one morning they studied birds, another day was about animal tracks, and the last day was called "Recycled Treasures" and was about turning trash and found objects into new things: reduce, reuse, recycle. All of these classes were geared to our own American River Parkway ecosystem and every day they did arts and crafts, took a nature walk, played games, and saw birds and animals. I think it was a great value at $20 per morning. We recently bought a membership in the American River Natural History Association, so we’ll get preferred sign-up for the summer camps, which are each a week long.

Ian has this week off work, so he’s doing full-time kid wrangling duty while I work on my projects. Yesterday they went to the zoo with one of Lucas’s pals. Today they are going to grandma and grandpa’s boat to spend the day fishing. At the moment, I’m just waiting for them to leave so I can buckle down to work my ass off.

Easter was fun and extra busy this year. We managed to squeeze in a visit with the third set of grandparents at Mimi’s home in Davis. So my boys got to do four—yes, FOUR—Easter egg hunts. Fortunately, I’ve already chucked at least half the candy they got. Will halve it again today while they’re gone.

I couldn’t possibly explain all the words Asher now says. He is now a walking, talking boy! He can express himself quite elegantly in four to seven word sentences. Connecting words are often missing from his sentences, but it’s very easy to understand him most of the time. Occasionally he’ll try out a new word and it will take us a moment to figure out what he’s talking about. He has started cracking jokes, which tells me that his understanding of the nuances of language has reached a whole new level. "Baby no poopy diaper! Lucas [has a] poopy diaper! Dada [has a] poopy diaper!" <insert hysterical baby laughter here>

One of our three remaining fish is a murderer. Is it the Golden Gourami in the kitchen with a candlestick? Or the Gold Chinese Algae Eater in the drawing room with a pistol? I am almost certain it is not the Dalmatian Molly. Anyway, this killing spree makes me sad because I really enjoy the fish. I guess I have to wait to see who dies next. Maybe then I’ll know who the killer is. 

I am very much looking forward to Delphinia this year! It is my only fun thing scheduled for this week and next.

It’s after 11 p.m. now. The Country Bunny and the Golden Shoes has been read aloud; we marveled at how the little country Cottontail bunny managed to get all those bunny children to do the household chores! The eggs are colored and hidden hither and yon outside. The chocolate bunnies are snug in their plastic eggy bubbles. The carrots we left out for the Easter Bunny are thoroughly nibbled; only crumbles remain on the rock where we reverently laid them earlier this evening before the children went to bed. The Bunny always leaves us flowers and fruits, as well as pretty eggs, because around here the Bunny remembers her earthy, pagan origins. The small Easter presents, wrapped in colorful tissue paper and yarn, await eager hands to tear them open. The bamboo Easter baskets are ready for their special gathering job; their purpose will soon be fulfilled. The wheatgrass centerpiece we’ve been growing for a couple of weeks is on the breakfast table; several years’ worth of needle-felted rabbits and chicks frolic there in the green. Ian has prepared the two dishes we were asked to bring to family gatherings tomorrow.

The Easter Bunny must arrive at our house before dawn because the children who live here wake before the roosters crow to see what magic might have happened while they slept. We’re ready. Happy Easter!

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6650767.html?nid=2286&source=title&rid=1416814534

Delacorte to Release Collection of Unpublished Vonnegut Stories
By Lynn Andriani
Kurt Vonnegut’s longtime publisher, Delacorte Press, has announced it will issue 14 never-before published short stories by the author, who died in 2007, in a new collection, Look at the Birdie, slated for publication in November 2009.

The listing impulse is very strong today. Somehow I must cram about 10 hours’ worth of work into 5 to 6 hours. The impulse to hide my head under my pillow is also very strong.

Better start.

IMPORTANT NOTICE 4-08-09

Dear Guppies of the World Looking for Adoption,

It is strongly suggested that you look elsewhere for a home, as the Wilson Family Aquarium features a guaranteed, patented Guppy Killer [TM], which is functioning against the better interests of all Wilson Family Aquarium guppies. Said Guppy Killer is batting 1,000. Two more guppies met their Great and Glorious Guppy Maker in the last 12 hours. Consider yourselves warned.

However, if you wish to quickly become a part of the Circle of Life [TM], then by all means, submit your Adoption Paperwork to the Wilson Family Aquarium Management. The other Aquarium community members will thank you.

The Management

I think yesterday was the author’s manuscript due date for the computer programming book I’m editing—the day he was to turn in "the last couple of pieces." Today I received 401 more manuscript pages to edit. This is on top of the 457 manuscript pages I’ve already edited. Frankly, I don’t know if I’m going to make it. I am certainly not going to have this done "shortly after the last batch is turned in" as my production editor originally said. Criminy!