Inspired by SouleMama {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

(Letter was begun on April 30 and finished on May 3)

Dear Lucas,

It’s only a day until your 8th birthday. You are over the moon with excitement. I think perhaps no child has ever anticipated any birthday as much as you have this one. You cannot wait to be 8! As the youngest child in your class, you have watched all of your friends turn 8 already. A couple of them have already turned 9. I’m sorry, dear one, but it may always be this way for you. It might be hard to be the youngest child sometimes, and might sometimes feel not fair, but I don’t worry about you much. Your charisma and joyful attitude make you beloved by all. And you would not have wanted to wait to start school another year! Your mind is racing ahead of your age in almost every way, there was no way we could have held you back.

So many exciting things are happening in your life now. I can see you are so eager to find out what’s next, what new opportunity is coming your way. I can see that you’re maturing, becoming more comfortable in your body and in your roles as student, brother, and as helping, cooperative son.

Sometimes I look at you and my love for you just pours out of me, and washes over you, I hope, wherever you are. I wonder if you can tell when I’m feeling this way. Sometimes I catch your eye and rather than make a big scene, I just wink. In that tiny moment, when you smile and wink back, I see that you know you are loved. The moments when you happily hold my hand in public, when you approach me and throw your arms around my middle and bury your face in my chest, when you snuggle up to me and tell me how much you love me—these are miracles every time, in part because they are coming a little less often than before. And I gobble these moments up like chocolates, try to fill myself with them, as if for a coming famine.

We had to strike a deal recently. You were angry with me, complaining that I was treating you too much like a baby. “You never let me do ___,” you accused. We were butting heads: you wanting more independence, me seeing you taking risks and acting wild and wanting to corral you. A friend of mine suggested a solution and so far it has worked. One day a week now you are picked up from school extra late, like at 5 or 5:30 in the evening. You want this extra time to play with your friends who are in aftercare. You want more freedom. In exchange, you must be better about coming with me at pickup time, without argument or hassle. I’m grateful my friend suggested this deal, this privilege. I was caught up in old patterns of thinking—feeling guilty for all the time we don’t spend together, wanting to gather you up at the end of your day, as if to apologize for all the time I’m working. But you are ready for more, for new experiences and new challenges. Your dad and I respect that.

You are doing well in school. Your reading is coming along nicely and you’ve been really into the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, which I have mixed feelings about. On the plus side, you’re excited about them and practicing reading. Once in a while we wake up and find you reading on the couch with the light on, having risen before the rest of us. That is nothing short of a miracle, in more ways than one. On the downside, I think the content of these books is a little old for you. In math, you are learning to add multiple-digit numbers and the new task is to figure out the process of carrying the one to the next place when adding columns of numbers. One paper that came home recently clearly indicated that you don’t understand this yet. I found myself in the astonishing position of 1) having you sit with me in an open, receptive mood, while we worked through the confusing problems together, and 2) teaching you MATH! Not my best subject, but second-grade math is OK. Next year? Not so sure how much help I’ll be. Your confidence in math is a little low right now. At one point, you told me that a buddy of yours is “Way smarter than me.” Au contraire, my son. I hope I reassured you.

Let’s see… I think your favorite school subjects are gardening, movement, German, and language arts. Gardening at school has inspired you to have your own vegetable patch here at home. In fact, you sacrificed half of your precious digging hill to plant tomatoes, a cucumber, a watermelon, rainbow chard, corn and pumpkins. It’s a lot packed into a small area, but for now it looks modest. We left a little space just for digging. And you carefully made rows in the rest, amending the soil a bit before planting your plants and seeds. I fervently hope this garden grows well for you. We have plans to make a little fence around it.

Part of you is fascinated by the idea of homeschooling, but I know in real life you would miss your friends terribly if we took you out of school. Plus, homeschooling is not always about playing Legos all day. We are not considering this at all. But, in deference to your interests, we may try to do a bit of “homeschooling” this summer. Perhaps some science projects, some story writing, some math and other cool games. One big project may be to build a chicken coop with Dad!

Two weeks ago you started piano lessons for the first time. You like your teacher and are excited to be learning how to play. We’re not calling it “practice time,” according to your teacher. We are calling it “playing” so that piano stays fun for you. I hope this is something that you’ll fall in love with.

You have been doing a lot more cooking lately, usually with Dad and often to make scrambled eggs in the morning. You two get along so well—most of the time. I’m hoping you might get a kids’ cookbook for your birthday so we can all explore this together. You’ve already made mozzarella cheese, after all! We did this all together a couple of months ago and it was totally fun! Today you made spinach sandwiches for Asher and yourself, and used the stove to make celery soup. You’re considering creating your own recipe book, using only recipes you invent yourself.

Let’s talk about sticks for a moment. My word! Where do you find them all? It seems like I’m constantly wondering where they come from and how come I never noticed them before. They are the world’s most perfect toy, apparently for any age between 1 and … well, 8 at least. Trouble is, sticks are devious little things, for they tempt you (and Asher) into highly rambunctious sword fighting, and all other martial arts. Occasionally I get fed up with the wacking-with-sticks play and confiscate them, removing them to the green waste bin. And then, twenty minutes later, your hands are full of more sticks!

Asher is now a proper playmate for you much of the time. He mimics your every word and move. It’s quite adorable when you’re both behaving well. You play pretend “battles” with “powers,” which involves a lot of running, jumping, dramatic magical gesturing and many, many sound effects with spitting. It’s better than actual hitting most of the time. You both get carried away, though, and you both take great pleasure in winding each other up into states of ire and violence, especially if sticks are involved. “He hit me!” “Asher, NO!” The bickering is perfectly normal.

What I love, however, is when I find you and Asher sitting together on the couch, arms around each other, or cuddled up in bed together at night. Sometimes I catch you reading to Asher and my heart just melts. I see you guide him in parking lots, offering your hand as protection from passing cars. You greet him with a giant, feet-off-the-ground-swing-around hug at the end of the school day. You brag to your friends about how cool your little brother is. You tell Asher that he is your buddy, that he’s adorable, and that you’re best friends. These are moments we, as your parents, cherish.

***

And now, it’s two days after your birthday, May 3, 2010. You seem perfectly satisfied with the fuss we made over your turning 8, and frankly, so am I. What a wonderful weekend it was! We had a great time roller-skating at Sunrise Rollerland with your friends. You are a determined roller-skater, and although you fell down often, you kept getting up, your resolve never flagging. I admire your stubborn perseverance; I think it’s a quality that will serve you well in life. You seem delighted with all of your gifts: new craft projects, science kits, books, Legos, modeling clay, BIKE, game, model, and much more! I’m thrilled to see you riding your new bike—it is probably the coolest bike I’ve ever seen (complete with skull art) and it’s your favorite color (which is back to blue these days after having cycled through red and green).

You shared your birthday with two special events at school: the 50th anniversary of Sacramento Waldorf School and the May Day Festival, which was on the 2nd. This just carried you along on a wave of celebration and delight, allowing you tons of extra time to range and roam with your school buddies and to have lots of fun. I like how much you now seem to own the school campus. It’s your turf and you’re comfortable there. It was such a great weekend; I hope it was everything you wished for.

Lucas, we love you. We are so proud of you. Happy 8th birthday, my love!

Mama

Oh, the wheels are turning!

Of course, my best ideas strike me at 11 p.m. and/or right at the last minute, when it’s way too late to get started or when I must rush like crazy to carry them out. I was having such an easy run up to this birthday, given that the roller-skating party was paid for a couple of weeks ago and they won’t let me bring food to the rink. The presents have arrived. Invitations sent out.

But then—BOOM! Oh! I should do/make/wrap/paint/buy/arrange/decorate/create/bake …

You get the picture. Yeah. I’m that kind of crazy.

The Crown

When I made a birthday crown for Asher (also at the last minute back in January), Lucas was quite enchanted with it. I asked him if he would like to have a birthday crown of his own and he was all for it.

So, I vowed to make one for him.

Of course, the likelihood that he will wear it at 8 years old is fairly slim. Nevertheless … here is my design. Shh! He hasn’t seen it and I want it to be a surprise.

The Goodie Bags

I don’t know when this children’s birthday party tradition began, but I don’t like it much. I think it kind of reeks of 1980s überparents fearing for their wee ones’ self-esteem and worrying that attending a birthday party and watching a birthday child open gifts when there are none for the wee guests would somehow scar them for life. But, I must live in my times. And so, we make goodie bags. We try to have a bit of fun with them and try not to spend a ton of dough. And lest you think I’m a complete curmudgeon, I am well aware of how thrilled Lucas is to come home from a friend’s party with a goodie bag of his own!

This year, we are giving out brown paper lunch bags, hand-painted by Lucas. He is painting whatever he pleases and I think that’s just fine. I think they are fighting dragons. We are putting  little envelopes of pumpkin seeds that we saved from our orange and white Halloween pumpkins in the bags. I bought lovely (and masculine-looking) blank books from the $1 bins at the craft store, so each guest will receive a book and a matching pencil. If the boys attending the birthday party are anything at all like Lucas, they will be pleased to have their own book to write whatever in. Let’s see … we also have a small tablet of origami paper for each guest, which comes with instructions to make animals, also from the $1 bins.

The Birthday Cake

Well, the roller rink is handling this. But I will make a cake for us to share with grandparents this weekend. I have a cool idea for this! We’ll see if I can pull it off.

A Gift

While Lucas was painting some goodie bags this afternoon, and Asher was painting a picture, I sat down and painted a gift for Lucas.

One of our favorite children’s books is Sun Bread, written and illustrated by Elisa Kleven. I’ve gushed about it (and other books of hers) before, and have given Sun Bread to many children over the years. Lucas still loves it. Asher loves it, and hears it both at home and at preschool. Yesterday morning he brought it to me and asked me to read the book to him. Of course I did.

When we got to the end, he asked if we could make sun bread. Um … of course we can. So, after school we started baking.

Asher looked at the book while Lucas and I mixed eggs and sugar, flour and yeast. I love Kleven’s illustrations!

Lucas was a wonderful assistant, which is good because I’m not much of a cook these days. He stuck by me during the whole project, mixing ingredients, kneading the dough, shaping our sun … and eating it, too.

They both enjoyed this part! Why don’t we do this more often?

Our super cute sun bread. Here it needs one more rise, then a short time in the oven. Since we started at 4 p.m., our bread wasn’t ready until after dinner and bath time, with the two, hour-long rising periods. But that was just fine, since a generous drizzle of local honey made it a yummy dessert. I think it was in the oven about two minutes too long, which gave it a darker crust than I would have liked to see. But the boys enjoyed it and it smelled heavenly! In fact, it was kind of torture for me and Ian, since we aren’t eating bread right now.

“Bread so brilliant, bright, and sunny, Summer seemed to fill their tummies. Bread so fluffy and so fine, They felt themselves begin to shine …”

Life is good. What a fabulous weekend!

My dear Dakini had dinner with us on Friday night. We are so fortunate to have her living so close. The children did all their wacky tricks for her.

On Saturday, I got to attend the Waldorf in the Home conference on Mothering and Spirituality: Resourcing Feminine Wisdom, put on by Rahima Baldwin Dancy of Informed Family Life and author of You Are Your Child’s First Teacher, which was held at my son’s school here in Fair Oaks. I only attended on Saturday because of resources and because I’m not ready to spend all weekend at a conference away from my boys. But I’m so, so glad I went! It was so inspiring and awesome to be in a huge high school gym full of women (and a few men) talking about the goddess and the feminine divine. Seriously, I’ve never been anywhere with that many people willing to even consider the topic in my life, and it’s a topic very close to my heart, particularly during my twenties. We heard keynote speaker Nancy Jewel Poer (“Honoring Mother Spirit and our Amazing Spiritual Feminine Gifts”), author of Living Into Dying and children’s book Mia’s Apple Tree and a founder and faculty member of Rudolf Steiner College and the founding teacher for Cedar Springs Waldorf School. She showed amazing slides of goddesses/world-mothers from all traditions and the modern day and spoke of the soul work of mothering. She asserted that women are the bridges between heaven and earth, bringing spiritual inspiration, love, and beauty to the lives of all those around us.

We also heard keynote speaker Regina Sara Ryan, author of The Woman Awake: Feminine Wisdom for Spiritual Life. She spoke about becoming Mother and seeking the Universal Ma, and encouraged us to cultivate ways to see and honor the Mother in us all. Big on her list of recommendations was to find our Delight and Creativity, whatever they are, and then engage in them regularly because this is a way to build love. It was all seriously cool. It made me think of all my dear Adelphai, with whom I have wandered many a California hillside and braved many a starlit night to find our goddesses.

I went to a great workshop called “Mothering Our Lively Sons,” which I’m sure you’ll agree was created just for me! Or so it seemed. I got some new insight on boys and their needs, their unique way of communicating and processing language. I’ve definitely come away with some good ideas to ruminate on and techniques to try out at home.

I loved the conference, but I was also delighted to come home to my two wonderful sons and my tireless, selfless husband. Asher fell asleep in my arms and we had one of those glorious moments together, rocking in the rocking chair, holding and being held and feeling perfectly at peace with the world. I don’t always feel this way as a mom, so when I do, I hope to cup it gently in my heart so that the feeling may feed me in times of stress and angst.

And the rest of the weekend was superb, too.

There was a haircut for Lucas, who said, “Thanks, Mom! I feel great about my haircut.” We put Lucas’s hair clippings out in the backyard in the hopes the birds would find them and use his silky locks for their nests. Is that gross or sweet? I don’t know…

We enjoyed a steak dinner with sauteed chard from our garden, made by Ian, who spent his Saturday replacing my car battery, caring for our children, and finishing our flagstone pathway. Oh, and cooking us dinner.

Some hot tub time with my hubby under the stars.

We made a trip to the nursery (squee!) for ground cover to plant between the flagstones on our new garden path.

Lucas pronounced that he wished to turn part of the boys’ digging hill into a vegetable garden. After our cautioning that he and Asher would have less space to dig if he planted a garden, he confidently told us he was really wanting to do it. I guess he’s enjoying gardening class at school! So, we bought seeds (corn, rainbow chard) and four tomato plants, a watermelon plant, and a fancy cucumber. We amended the soil a bit and he set to planting them himself. He also planted pumpkin seeds that we had saved from our (orange and white) jack-o’-lanterns from last fall.

We had a lovely two-mile bike ride with NoNo and Mars this afternoon, who were gracious enough to ride all this way to meet us. It was a fun reminder that riding bikes is so good for us all. Asher is outgrowing his toddler seat on the back of my (girly, girly pink) bike, yet I don’t think he’s quite ready for the tagalong bike. His feet kept kicking my calves as I pedaled!

Ian filled up our bird feeder that had languished in the garage long enough.

We spent time in the shade planting our new ground covers: chamomile lawn, pennyroyal, and ajuga (chocolate chip variety). We’re hoping they will fill in the spaces between the stones. The chamomile lawn and pennyroyal smell marvelous when you touch them! See how cute the ajuga is?

The boys played in the sprinklers.

I used scotch tape to repair of a very well loved, well used copy of Where’s Waldo in Hollywood that used to belong to Grandma’s third grade class.

For Sunday dinner, Ian’s yummy broiled tuna steaks with homemade lemon aoili, salad, and green beans! And a fine Petite Sirah accompanied them.

Our bedtime stories were two stories from A Donsy of Gnomes, a sweet book I bought at the conference. Lucas’s eyes were full of stars when I read him the stories, and that, my friends, makes it all worthwhile.

I’m behind in my blogging. My experiences and photos are stacking up and waiting in line to be showed and kept here. I think this secretly means that life is full these days.

We took this lovely walk on the first day of the kids’ Spring Break. Lucas had a morning class about bird-watching at Effie Yeaw Nature Center in Carmichael, and when Asher and I arrived to pick him up, we all walked through the preserve along the American River for a while. (Somehow I managed to get Asher only half dressed this day.) The day was overcast but comfortable and the preserve was glorious in every way.

Glory in the green, green grass, particularly inviting for this little “lello” bunny.

Glory in the purple vinca major (AKA periwinkle), which is not a California native plant but has naturalized. (I love it.)

Glory in the group of deer we patiently watched while they grazed, especially this mama and fawn.

Glory in the tiny pink wildflowers, only an inch or so tall, and in the great oak trees.

Glory in boys being free, courageous, goofy, and happy in wild places.

My heart swells when I see my children in places like this, where we are safe and comfortable, and free to ramble on down the trail, or to pause to savor a vista or follow the erratic flight of a butterfly. I love coming here because we are guaranteed to see and hear wildlife, no matter the season. And I love how I feel when I’m here with my family—like maybe for once I’m doing something JUST RIGHT, that maybe I’ve found a perfect moment of happy calm for them and for me. I love the great big sky, whatever its color, and the intricacies of the natural world—the turn of a leaf, the texture of the bark, the smell of the air.

This nature walk was so tremendous, I’m going to post more pictures in a “Part 2.” I can’t help it. They make me feel tranquil.

OK, I am happy to admit this week of Spring Break is turning out to be really great. My husband is on vacation, so we are all together. I’m enjoying everyone’s company. This is not to say that every moment is stress-free, but family life is easier when two parents are around to mediate squabbles, entertain, converse with, fetch, help with runny noses, and feed us all. Ian and I can kind of tag-team and that’s a sanity saver. I love being able to reach out and touch him whenever I want to, to know he’s got my back or an eye on the children when I am otherwise occupied with editing or some other task.

Useful, fun projects are getting done around here, too, like planting flowers and our first vegetables of the spring/summer growing season, and fixing broken gates. It’s lovely to be outdoors in this gorgeous, comfortable weather! Short sleeves for Ian and Lucas and me. Asher’s a bit more bundled in long sleeves and sweat pants because of his cold.

Today I spent several productive, happy hours filling my wheel barrow full of gorgeous mulch from my friends Zindelo and Jeanne and spreading it in my backyard flowerbeds. It was nice and easy work on a cool day with a satisfying result. I also planted pansies and petunias in areas where the sprinklers overspray. Putting new plants in my yard is easy; making sure they all have a source of water they’ll desperately need in the hot Sacramento summers is the hard part.

The other day, when my back was sore, Ian planted for me: 3 Spanish lavenders, 3 azaleas, 2 geraniums, 1 blueberry bush, 1 magnolia tree, 1 lilac, and 1 orange-flowering perennial whose name I forget. It’s supposed to bloom almost year-round.

Ian and I have even had two lovely dates this week, which gives us time to refresh and reengage with each other. It’s good to remember why we got into this family business in the first place: because we LIKE each other and want to be together. Last night we got to see Elvis Costello play at the Mondavi Center in Davis. He was solo, and the music was terrific. I didn’t enjoy everything he played, but most of it. A good mix of old and new tunes.

Even as I’m enjoying my time at home this week, my mind is turning outward to summer activities. I’m starting to explore some summer camp options for Lucas. I am excited to learn that the Discovery Museum has two summer camps for 7/8-year-olds, on the topics of general science and space exploration. I think he’ll eat them up. I’ve carefully broached the subject of the Magic Circle Theatre summer production (you know, without letting on how FREAKING AWESOME it would be for me to see Lucas joyfully performing onstage). He’s interested. I’ll probably ask him a few more times before signing him up—to let him think about it a bit first.

Tomorrow we’re going on a ramble all together. We may head to Sutter Creek and see what we can see, or perhaps up to Placerville or Nevada City. Really, it doesn’t matter much. My eyes crave new sights. So long as there is one winery to stop at, I’ll be happy, as I am right now.

Cooking with love and intention can be very satisfying. I admit I don’t always achieve this, but when I do it’s blissful. Yesterday I made chicken stock from scratch so that I can make chicken noodle soup later this week, probably tomorrow night. I also cooked a big crockpot of chicken and chicken-apple sausage chili from a recipe I found on the Internet. It turned out to be really yummy (Lucas said “It’s delish”; Asher gobbled all of the meat, but that’s his way). The surprising ingredient, which I don’t believe I’ve ever used before in a recipe, was tomatillo salsa from a jar. It was just the right flavor kick. I added carrots because I like sneaking in extra veggies. I omitted the jalapeno pepper so as not to make it too spicy for my kiddos. I also made cornbread muffins that were too sweet and dry for my taste, but the kids liked them. Still searching for the right recipe for these.

My pink hyacinths are blooming and I adore them. I only wish I’d gotten around to planting bulbs last fall because I look at these flowers and want more, more, more! Want to do more, more, more! (My mother tells me that I don’t have to be more or do more. I am sure she is right but I seem to have a blind spot in this area.)

I’ve been sewing by hand in the evenings. I have a couple of goofy felt projects in the works that I’ll share later on.

Today I’m diving into womanist theology for a while. I’m building a pretty long list of questions for the publisher since it’s been a few years since I freelanced for this company. I’m making love to my Chicago Manual of Style, 15th edition.

(Thanks to my father in law for the cartoon! It’s disturbingly realistic.)

Something I did more or less right yesterday.

Lemon and herb roasted chicken, roasted mixed vegetables (beats, leeks, bell peppers, chard), and quinoa.